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French Cowardice

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austinallegro
175286.  Thu May 17, 2007 7:10 am Reply with quote

A rather unfair and untrue stereotype:
Quote:
Gallic Wars: Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

Hundred Years War: Mostly lost, saved at last by a female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare - "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchmen."

Italian Wars: Lost. France becomes the first and only country ever to lose two wars when fighting Italians.

Wars of Religion: France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots.

Thirty Years' War: France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

War of Devolution: Tied; Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

The Dutch War: Tied.

War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War: Lost, but claimed as a tie. Deluded Frogophiles the world over label the period as the height of French Military Power.

War of the Spanish Succession: Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved ever since.

American Revolution: In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare: "France only wins when America does most of the fighting".

French Revolution: Won, primarily due to the fact that the opponent was also French.

The Napoleonic Wars: Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

The Franco-Prussian War: Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

WWI: Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like not only to sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

WWII: Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

War in Indochina: Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with Dien Bien Flu.

Algerian Rebellion: Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a Western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare -"We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese, and Eskimos.

War on Terrorism: France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe.


 
Norfolkian
175288.  Thu May 17, 2007 7:19 am Reply with quote

Hahaha, I love that screencap from Google! The poor French...

A few facts about the storming of the Bastille which occured during the French revolution:

-The purpose of the storming of the Bastille was not to release its prisoners, but to obtain ammunition.

-There were 7 prisoners in Bastille at the time: 4 forgers, 2 lunatics (including an Irishman who believed he was Julius Caesar and God) and a nobleman imprisoned under a 'lettre de cachet' (a letter signed by the king of France) for incest.

-The Bastille was already scheduled for demolition at the time of the 'storming'.

-However, the storming of the Bastille did of course have a symbolic effect, representing the collapse of the old regime, hence why Bastille Day day is celebrated every year on 14th July.

 
dr.bob
175307.  Thu May 17, 2007 8:00 am Reply with quote

austinallegro wrote:
A rather unfair and untrue stereotype:


As opposed to all those other stereotypes which are bang on the money?

austinallegro wrote:
Gallic Wars: Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.


Unless you're from Ireland or the Highlands of Scotland, I wouldn't be so smug about getting beaten by an Italian if I were you.

austinallegro wrote:
Italian Wars: Lost. France becomes the first and only country ever to lose two wars when fighting Italians.


What about Greece? Or at least the Macedonians. They had four wars with Rome, at least three of which they lost.

Yes I'm aware that the Kingdom of Macedon is not the same as modern day Greece, but then again a bunch of disparate Gallic tribes are not exactly the same as modern day France either, so nyer!

 
Sergei
175309.  Thu May 17, 2007 8:01 am Reply with quote

The old English inferiority complex again I see. Never will forgive them for conquering you.

 
Tas
175341.  Thu May 17, 2007 8:50 am Reply with quote

's funny. I always thought we Englishmen had a superiority complex. Bloody well earned, too!

[/Tongue ever-so-slightly in cheek]

:-)

Tas

 
Sergei
175370.  Thu May 17, 2007 9:19 am Reply with quote

Wikipedia wrote:
Superiority and Inferiority Complex are often found together as the different expressions of the same pathology.
:)

 
Tas
175374.  Thu May 17, 2007 9:22 am Reply with quote

Ah, it's in Wiki, so it must be true!

LOL

:-)

Tas

 
austinallegro
175432.  Thu May 17, 2007 10:57 am Reply with quote

 
djgordy
175464.  Thu May 17, 2007 12:13 pm Reply with quote

austinallegro wrote:

WWII: Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. [/img]


With regard to WWII (part 1), not everyone has the same view of history. Some (at least) French see events in the following way. The British and the French were allies against the Germans but when the Germans invaded France, the British ran off across the Channel to leave the French on their own against the Germans and the Italians.

 
mikeyfone
175469.  Thu May 17, 2007 12:35 pm Reply with quote

djgordy wrote:
austinallegro wrote:

WWII: Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. [/img]


With regard to WWII (part 1), not everyone has the same view of history. Some (at least) French see events in the following way. The British and the French were allies against the Germans but when the Germans invaded France, the British ran off across the Channel to leave the French on their own against the Germans and the Italians.


To be fair, the British didn't really run off, we were...
*cough*...pushed out. By zie Germans.

 
dr.bob
175592.  Fri May 18, 2007 4:05 am Reply with quote

It was a tactical withdrawal. Everyone knows that! :)

 
Tas
175621.  Fri May 18, 2007 5:08 am Reply with quote

It also enabled all the olde style dinosaurian generals to sod off, so some of the more modern thinking ones could take over...

:-)

Tas

 
MoonMonkey
183456.  Mon Jun 18, 2007 7:52 am Reply with quote

You also have to bear in mind the French experience of WW1.

The French lost 1.4 million men killed in WW1, and saw the pointless bloodbaths that were the battles of Verdun. I don't think you can call the French cowards after seeing what they experienced in WW1.

That is double the number of British killed, and the French had to see it happening on their own soil, see their towns destroyed, their land ripped apart, and their civilians displaced.

Just one generation later they saw it all about to happen again to their sons' generation. You could argue that the generals and politicians did not think all that slaughter and suffering was worth going through again.

It is all very well us laughing at them for surrendering so easily, but we were not in the same situation.

 
dr.bob
184183.  Thu Jun 21, 2007 5:03 am Reply with quote

Not unless you count the Channel Islands.

I personally don't get this reputation of the French. After all, during the second world war, the Axis powers also successfully invaded Albania, Poland, Denmark, Norway, Luxembourg, The Netherlands, Belgium, Yugoslavia and Greece (and probably some more that I've forgotten) and none of those generally get accused of being "surrender monkeys." This slur also seems to ignore the fact that French forces were involved in heavy fighting throughout the Low Countries trying to see off the German invasion. I haven't even mentioned the French Resistance yet.

I imagine it's nothing more than anti-French xenophobia.

 
96aelw
184225.  Thu Jun 21, 2007 6:36 am Reply with quote

What it is is a blatant nicking of a crude, unfair, national stereotype that has traditionally been the Italians'. I heard someone doing the old "How many gears does an Italian tank have? 5; 4 in reverse, and one going forwards in case they're attacked from behind" joke the other day, only they told it about a French tank. If you're going to be xenophobic, at least get it right.

I think (and I'm sad enough to notice these things; I object when people refer to Italians as "Dagos" not because I deem it offensive, but because I deem it to be properly applicable only to Spaniards (or, I suppose, at a pinch Portugese). If you wish to refer derogatorily to Italians, they're Wops or Eyeties, please) that this one only emerged, like the cheese eating surrender monkeys line, after France suggested that invading Iraq might not be the best plan ever hatched. As did Germany, of course, but creating a new stereotype of German cowardice and general poofy distaste for militarism might have been a shade trickier.

 

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