|160438. Tue Mar 27, 2007 10:27 am
|Here is a selection of 'media equations' that have been commissioned from academics (of 'boffins', as we like to know them) on slow news days. Maybe we could put them on cards, perhaps with the meaning of the variables, and get the guests to work out what each is for.
P = Personal Characteristics, including outlook on life, adaptability and resilience.
E = Existence and relates to health, financial stability and friendships.
H = Higher Order needs, and covers self-esteem, expectations, ambitions and sense of humour.
There is an accompanying list of questions on which the equations are based, that generate numerical values to put into the equation.
A great arse
|(S+C) x (B+F)
S = overall shape (a ripe peach being just about right)
C = circularity (rounder is better)
B = bounciness (less wobble is preferred)
F = firmness (too much push to that cushion loses points)
T = skin texture (no cellulite, please)
V = the ratio of one's hips to waist. Finally, do the math.
Whether to hire a prostitute
U = satisfaction. It's what you, as a prostitute, care about - the satisfaction you gain from selling your services. Economists like to call it "utility", which is why they like to use the letter "U".
L i= amount of leisure you have.
C = amount of goods and services you, as a consumer, consume.
S = amount of prostitution you, as a prostitute, sell to your customers.
W = going price for prostitutes.
R = measure of your reputation.
The whole situation, seemingly so complicated, boils down to a nice partial differential equation. Here it is - a Della Giusta, Di Tommaso and Strom's rule of thumb for prostitutes. You, a prostitute, find it worthwhile to sell your services when:
|[(δU/δL) / (δU/δC) | Sp=0] ≤ w - [(δU/δr) / (δU/δC) | S = 0] |
|((U+C+I) x (10-S))/20 x A x 1/(1-sin(F/10)) |
U = urgency
C = complexity
I = importance
S = skill
F = frequency
Each variable is scored between 0 and 9. A sixth, aggravation (A), was set at 0.7 by the boffins after their poll of 1,000 people.
Optimal biscuit dunking
(They don't mention the meaning of the variables, though.)
Saddest day of the year
|([W + (D-d)] x TQ) ÷ (M x NA) |
W = weather
D = debt
d = money due in January pay
T = time elapsed since Christmas
Q = time since failed New Year's resolutions to quit smoking, drinking etc,
M = general motivational levels
NA = the need to take action
Beer goggle effectiveness
An = number of units of alcohol consumed
S = smokiness of the room (graded from 0-10, where 0 clear air; 10 extremely smoky)
L = luminance of 'person of interest' (candelas per square metre; typically 1 pitch black; 150 as seen in normal room lighting)
Vo = Snellen visual acuity (6/6 normal; 6/12 just meets driving standard)
d = distance from 'person of interest' (metres; 0.5 to 3 metres)
U = desire to complete the task
E = the expectation of success
V = the value of completion
I = the immediacy of task
D = the personal sensitivity to delay
|162279. Mon Apr 02, 2007 6:06 am
|Related to the subject of measuring happiness, the worst day of the year, and so on, through equations: a survey reported in newspapers on 9 March 07 says that Bournemouth is “the happiest town in the country,” and Walsall is the least happy town. These nonsense surveys are something it might be fun to have a go at, particularly if we could find some good contradictions - one survey saying that x is the happiest/saddest/fattest/healthiest town in the country, and another survey saying just the opposite. Does anyone think this is worth my while following up? (Links to Epidemiology, through dodgy use of statistics).