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1,720 Uses For Sausages

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109879.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 11:45 am Reply with quote

According to the Daily Telegraph (30.10.06) there are more than 400 named varieties of sausage in Britain, and an estimated 1,720 uses for them.

I propose that we set about writing a book right now called "1,720 Uses For Sausages". The royalties, if any, to be divided pro rata amongst those who suggest the most original uses for a sausage.

109884.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 11:52 am Reply with quote

I'll get the ball rolling with "eating them".

Oh, and I guess "cooking them" counts too.

The other 1,718 should be fairly easy.

Long Haired Hippy
109888.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 11:55 am Reply with quote

Hiding a portrait of the fallen madonna with the big boobies inside them.

109891.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 11:56 am Reply with quote

Very cheap sex toys.

Well, someone had to say it! Let's get that one out of the way.



109893.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 11:58 am Reply with quote

A cheap alternative to:

Martial Arts weapon (string of sausage nuchaku)

Draught Excluder (One long sausage, furry mold optional)

A rounders bat.



109894.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 12:00 pm Reply with quote

Damn, the obvious ones are gone. Erm, how about hollowing one out to make a kind of primitive dugout canoe for mice?

Or lashing several together to make a larger, raftlike vessel. Possibly for rats. Might have to check how buoyant sausages are first, but heigh ho.

Mr Grue
109896.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 12:02 pm Reply with quote

Housetraining dogs (Employing the sausage both as a model and a reward).
Incapacitating the motorcars of ne'erdowells by way of a blocked exhaust.
Aiding in the giving up of cigars.
Biro-grips for the arthritic.

Last edited by Mr Grue on Tue Oct 31, 2006 3:35 pm; edited 1 time in total

109897.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 12:03 pm Reply with quote

A false leg.

Splint for a broken limb.

Snooker cue.



109900.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 12:06 pm Reply with quote


Mr Grue
109901.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 12:06 pm Reply with quote

A metaphor.

Long Haired Hippy
109902.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 12:07 pm Reply with quote

Trailing them from the basket on a Butcher's delivery bike to attract dogs a la Pied Piper.

Mr Grue
109903.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 12:08 pm Reply with quote

Long Haired Hippy wrote:
Trailing them from the basket on a Butcher's delivery bike to attract dogs a la Pied Piper.

Not in the version I know!

Currency in non-smoking prisons.

109904.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 12:09 pm Reply with quote

They are the perfect way of distracting guard dogs if breaking into large stately homes.

And of course, there's this from Chilean artist Alejandra Prieto, it's two uses in one - a chair and a work of art.

I also find sausages are useful as a barrier to prevent pea-juice (or peawet if you're from round our way) from contaminating your mash.

Last edited by eggshaped on Tue Oct 31, 2006 12:12 pm; edited 1 time in total

Long Haired Hippy
109906.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 12:12 pm Reply with quote

Pork Sausages to be used a Muslim offenders. Bury suicide bombers in coffin sized pork sausages.

I'll get me coat.

Mr Grue
109908.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 12:15 pm Reply with quote

When frozen they can be thawed out and cooked.

Such circularity would naturally suggest the cumberland ring (thanks Suze), but also the ancient sausage symbol, ourobowurst, worshipped by Pagan Prussian butchers as the sausage that is filled from its own meat.

Robert Gravy wrote:
Ourobowurst worship, all but dead now in modern Germany, featured at its centre the image of a sausage for ever in the process of being made; the sausage, stretching its way from a meat-grinder in a long circle such that it reaches the hop of the self-same grinder. This symbol not only spoke to the local Metzger of the wondrous circularity of nature and, perhaps, creation itself, but also of the ongoing struggle amongst the fleshworkers to achieve sausages of greater and greater quality, perhaps to eventually make real their dream of an "uberwurst".

Last edited by Mr Grue on Tue Oct 31, 2006 3:44 pm; edited 2 times in total


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