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1,720 Uses For Sausages

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110014.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 3:25 pm Reply with quote

Darts if sharpened when frozen

A crude kebosh

Crude mini catapults

110016.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 3:28 pm Reply with quote

grizzly wrote:
-Hot dogs

Excellent hand-warmers!

Mr Grue
110021.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 3:31 pm Reply with quote

Robert Gravy wrote:
The fashion-world was shaken to its very foundations when Mme de Boucherie first introduced meat to the world of jewellery. Throughout the summers of 1923-1927 few flappers of note were seen without their sausage necklaces. "It was a simple breakthrough," opined Mme de B in the press, "I merely put the swine before the pearls."

De Boucherie went on to even greater notoriety with the invention of shoe pastry.

Last edited by Mr Grue on Wed Nov 01, 2006 2:59 am; edited 4 times in total

110023.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 3:33 pm Reply with quote

Protection against vampires when containing garlic and held in the shape of a cross.

Mr Grue
110047.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 4:04 pm Reply with quote

The sausage has, on occasion, seen use as a poetic muse:

Robert Gravy wrote:
Perhaps the greatest contribution to meat-based literature, of course, is the melancholic Thomas Warton's The Oxford Sausage, a collection of poems penned, it is claimed, by the "Greatest Wits of the University of Oxford". Yet even then meat-poetry was considered something of an embarrassment, and the creators of the collection promised twelve sausages in "turkey, gilt and lettered" to anyone who could name one of the contributors, and keep mum.

EPIGRAM, occasionaed by a supposed extraordinary Phenomenon in MIDWIFERY

SAGE WOODS! though many a Dark Affair
Be known to thy discerning Eyes;
E'en You, with all your Skill, must stare,
"To see Boys mark'd with Mutton Pies!"

What if our Wives, with equal Glee,
In Thought a Sausage should enjoy;
Say, would you wonder much, to see
The MOTHER'S LONGINGS mark the Boy?

Last edited by Mr Grue on Tue Oct 31, 2006 4:57 pm; edited 4 times in total

110058.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 4:27 pm Reply with quote

-confetti to throw at the weddings of people you don't like
-a rudimentary model submarine for your fishtank
-voodoo doll of that f**king worm.

Oh, and did you know that they are bringing out a sausage flavoured Dr Pepper? the slogan on the advert is going to be...
What's the wurst thing that could happen?

you cannot harm me, my puns are like a shield of steel

110153.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 6:20 pm Reply with quote

Alphabetti spaghetti for carnivorous egotists.

Stoat coshes.

Cocktail swizzlers for real men.

Biodegradable key fobs.

Bookmarks for those children's books with only four pages in.



110169.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 6:35 pm Reply with quote

Drumsticks (better when frozen)

Would the cocktail swizzlers be made from cumberlands or chipolatas?

110174.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 6:39 pm Reply with quote

That would depend on the hugeness of the manly cocktail.

A Porkinson for a VodkaArtois, for example.

110246.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 7:55 pm Reply with quote

Phallic symbols.

110250.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 8:27 pm Reply with quote

oven baked
pretending they are cigars to make you look like a fat cat
pretending you have an extra finger

110257.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 9:22 pm Reply with quote

djgordy wrote:
You could put the bits back together into their original arrangement. I.e, a loaf of bread, a gallon of water and a pig's scrotum.

You forgot the sawdust sweepings from the butchers floor...
some further uses...

Bar Skittles.

Carve images into them and use them as Totem Poles

As the Baton in Relay Races

As a Baton for the conductor of an orchestra

As logs in a log-cabin

By passing an electric current through them as a heater

As Cannon-balls to fire out of a cannon

As a swizzle stick to stir your coffee

As a food additive to a McDonalds meal (to give it that 'Real'meat flavouring)

As a book-mark

As a sleeping policeman to slow traffic down

As a paperweight

As a bribe

As a form of currency

As a way of filling in time by composing lists of 1,720 uses for sausages

As a conversation piece (my sausage is bigger than your sausage)

As a unit of measurement

110275.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 11:24 pm Reply with quote

Has anybody suggested using them as dildoes yet?

Not a Number
110294.  Wed Nov 01, 2006 12:11 am Reply with quote

Jenny wrote:
Has anybody suggested using them as dildoes yet?

Tas suggested early on that they could be used as "cheap sex toys", but you could specify what kind.

Mr Grue
110314.  Wed Nov 01, 2006 2:03 am Reply with quote

When thrown into wooded areas they can serve to misdirect pursuers.

They can destroy anti-sausages on touch.


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