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1,720 Uses For Sausages

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109909.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 12:19 pm Reply with quote

Sorry Mr G, but Dr B beat you to the 'cooking' usage.



109910.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 12:20 pm Reply with quote

-Giving your snowmen fingers
-Spelling out distress signals on remote islands with no sand, to be read from the air
-Upsetting vegetarians
-Creating scale models of Canadian logjams in your bathtub
-Comedic arrangements with a pair of new potatoes

109911.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 12:20 pm Reply with quote

They can be used for stereotyping persons of a Germanic persusion.

Mr Grue
109913.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 12:23 pm Reply with quote

Tas wrote:
Sorry Mr G, but Dr B beat you to the 'cooking' usage.

No no! His weren't frozen!

Indoor fireworks for the pun-minded.

Not a Number
109921.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 12:42 pm Reply with quote

- Walrus impressions
- Put them on the ends of your fingers to complete your 'Freddy Krueger' Halloween costume
- Simple mathematics: "Johnny and his friends each have one sausage..."
- Making an anatomically correct snowman. And I don't mean fingers.
- Hang it on a stick to make an incentive for your carnivorous donkey

109929.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 1:01 pm Reply with quote

Garnish for cocktails, for when you really want to impress your friends.

Freshly cooked ones make great edible hand warmers.

If your a sales rep who can't afford that expensive bluetooth earpiece, but still want to look the part. Fashion one out of a raw sausage and wear it in your ear while driving.

Mr Grue
109937.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 1:19 pm Reply with quote

Bunting at the butcher's.

109954.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 1:59 pm Reply with quote

You could put the bits back together into their original arrangement. I.e, a loaf of bread, a gallon of water and a pig's scrotum.

109972.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 2:37 pm Reply with quote

Aromatic candle for people who don't like the smell of vanilla.

Put in finger of cotton glove and use as bolster for hamster bed.

Instant stuffing for roast grass snake.

Comical dog turd substitute.

109987.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 2:57 pm Reply with quote

-Toad in the hole
-Bangers and mash

(can I have an award for most obvious use that nobody else seemed capable of thinking of)

109989.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 3:00 pm Reply with quote

Representing a toad or a banger

Cheap prosthetics for those that have suffered finger amputations (or toes, in the case of chipolatas!)

Easy way for meat factories to dispose of the sinews, lips, and tongues left over

"People who enjoy eating sausage and obeying the law should not watch either being made" - Otto von Bismarck

109990.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 3:01 pm Reply with quote

-Frozen suasages can be a good substitute for the lead piping, in the Library, by Colonel Mustard.

109998.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 3:11 pm Reply with quote

Beds. With the addition of a few bin liners & some duct tape, one could easily make a sausagemeat-filled 'body-hugging' mattress.

Door stops. A bit tricky because if you're not gentle enough, they can be awfully messy.

Weapons. Sausages make great weapons - especially the projectile kind. (A bit useless as a sword).

110000.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 3:13 pm Reply with quote

-Hot dogs

Mr Grue
110006.  Tue Oct 31, 2006 3:19 pm Reply with quote

Hot sausage bottles.

Practicing surgical stitching.

Balloon modelling at depth.

Robert Gravy wrote:
Had the Ancient Greeks used sausages, rather than pebbles, when laying down the foundation of mathematics our mathematical language would be much different. What is more geometry would have been much more focused on the properties not of the right-angled triangle, but that of the isossylese.

Last edited by Mr Grue on Tue Oct 31, 2006 3:25 pm; edited 1 time in total


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