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fwk
1254792.  Wed Oct 11, 2017 5:43 pm Reply with quote

Software Developers are a funny bunch of people. Here are a few amusing rules and laws of programming that I like.

Cunningham's Law wrote:
"The best way to get the right answer on the Internet is not to ask a question, it's to post the wrong answer."

Warsaw's First Law: The Rule of Estimate Accuracy Insurance wrote:
When making a time estimate for any programming task, make your best formalized guess, then multiply by two and bump it up a unit. E.g. "I think it will take me three days to hack in those changes to the frobnicator"; My official estimate: 6 weeks.

Warsaw's Second Law: Unbending Law of Commit Scheduling wrote:
Never change anything after 3pm on a Friday.

Corollary to Warsaw's Second Law wrote:
If you do change anything after 3pm on Friday, you will break it, and thus end up fixing it for the entire weekend. You will probably not be able to sleep, and if you do fall asleep, you will dream about the breakage. On Monday morning, you will fix the problem in five minutes.

Warsaw's Third Law: Law of Software in a Vacuum wrote:
All software sucks. Make sure yours sucks less.

Warsaw's Fourth Law: The Law of Pinball Machine Instructions wrote:
It doesn't matter a whit if the instructions are printed clearly for all to see, nobody will read them. They'll just drop their quarters and start pushing buttons like a Tommy. Software is the same.

Warsaw's Fifth Law: A Rose By Any Other Name (a.k.a the Pink Floyd Rule) wrote:
All names are stupid until you become rich and famous with it.

Godwin's law wrote:
As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Hitler approaches 1.

Brooks’s Law wrote:
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.

Conway's law wrote:
Any piece of software reflects the organizational structure that produced it.

Hofstadter's Law wrote:
It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

Parkinson's law wrote:
Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion."


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ward_Cunningham#Cunningham.27s_Law
https://barry.warsaw.us/software/laws.html
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin%27s_law
Frederick P. Brooks Jr. (2 August 1995). The Mythical Man-Month: Essays on Software Engineering, Anniversary Edition. Pearson Education
http://www.melconway.com/Home/Conways_Law.html
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hofstadter%27s_law
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parkinson%27s_law

 
PDR
1254797.  Wed Oct 11, 2017 5:55 pm Reply with quote

Software engineer jokes:

"I looked up recursive in the dictionary and it said [see recursive]"

"I refuse to use UML because I believe in a classless society"

[tell these jokes to a typical audience of a thousand and three people will snigger]

PDR

 
fwk
1254802.  Wed Oct 11, 2017 6:12 pm Reply with quote

A programmer's wife sends him out to buy a loaf of bread. On his way out she shouts "And if they have eggs, buy a dozen!"
He returns with 12 loaves of bread.

 
bobwilson
1255399.  Fri Oct 13, 2017 8:22 pm Reply with quote

fwk wrote:
A programmer's wife sends him out to buy a loaf of bread. On his way out she shouts "And if they have eggs, buy a dozen!"
He returns with 12 loaves of bread.


This fails - programmers don't have wives. And there is no instruction to return.

 
fwk
1257913.  Thu Oct 26, 2017 3:35 am Reply with quote

In the 1991 videogame Civilization, you play as a famous world leader and lead your civilization from the dawn of agriculture to the space age. You win by either by annihilating all enemies or sending a spaceship to Alpha Centauri. There was a bug with the computer controlled Gandhi due to a buffer underflow error. The aggression score of each world leader could only be between 1 and 255. Gandhi had a score of 1. When the computer player adopted democracy, their aggression changed by -2. Gandhi's aggression would drop to -1, which looped round to 255 and turned him into an aggressive warmonger who would rain down nuclear bombs on all his enemies. The sequels of Civilization would pay homage to this bug by making Gandhi peaceful, as intended, but once a war starts he will readily reach for the nuclear button.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Civilization_(video_game)
https://kotaku.com/why-gandhi-is-such-an-asshole-in-civilization-1653818245

 
Alfred E Neuman
1257928.  Thu Oct 26, 2017 4:26 am Reply with quote

bobwilson wrote:
fwk wrote:
A programmer's wife sends him out to buy a loaf of bread. On his way out she shouts "And if they have eggs, buy a dozen!"
He returns with 12 loaves of bread.


This fails - programmers don't have wives. And there is no instruction to return.


Return statement in VBA

 
Dix
1258033.  Thu Oct 26, 2017 2:26 pm Reply with quote

Have you ever read the April 1984 edtion of Communications of the ACM?

Articles include
- The complexity of songs
- THE TELNET SONG: ("Control-Uparrow Q.")
- A linguistic contribution to GOTO-less programming
which among other things discusses INTERCAL - this is actually a reprint of an 1973 article from Datamation
- CLOG:6,SM,©,21 an Ada® package for automatic footnote generation in UnixTM
(doing my best with the formatting here...)

Unfortunately the official online version is hiding behind a paywall.
Unofficial versions of some of them are probably accessible elsewhere....


There were also some serious articles.

 
Alexander Howard
1258145.  Fri Oct 27, 2017 9:08 am Reply with quote

It is English-speaking programmers who have been able to choose all the technical words we now use without thinking. All credit though to those who tirelessly translate the jargon to ensure that computer science can be expressed in other languages.

The glossary is quite old by now by computing standards, but we are now able to discuss computers in the language of King Alfred.

 
Alexander Howard
1258281.  Sat Oct 28, 2017 4:39 am Reply with quote

Alexander Howard wrote:
The glossary is quite old by now by computing standards, but we are now able to discuss computers in the language of King Alfred.


I found another one too, a bit more up to date.

 
14-11-2014
1264982.  Sat Dec 02, 2017 12:49 pm Reply with quote

P & Christmas: Papworth had to use a PC to type the first SMS message, "Merry Christmas".

 
Bondee
1265055.  Sun Dec 03, 2017 9:06 am Reply with quote

14-11-2014 wrote:
... the first SMS message, "Merry Christmas".


This happened 25 years ago today.

And the bugger still hasn't replied!

 
Alfred E Neuman
1265067.  Sun Dec 03, 2017 1:35 pm Reply with quote

No-one replies to spam...

 
tetsabb
1265097.  Sun Dec 03, 2017 7:22 pm Reply with quote

...or they thought it was too bloody early for Christmas greetings...

 

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