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How was your day?

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suze
1295340.  Fri Sep 14, 2018 11:32 am Reply with quote

This may sound like a horrible thing to say, and I apologize in advance for any offence it may case. But it's fairly common that when one half of an elderly married couple dies, the other isn't far behind. One should never hope for someone to die, but complete the sentence in whatever way seems to you appropriate.


Meanwhile, we had the annual Outdoor Activity Day for the new Year 12 today. It felt a bit more like hard work today than it has before, which may mean that it's time for me to "retire" from actually participating. Now that I'm 50, I could do so gracefully without anyone telling me to woman up.

But then again, maybe it means I've not spent as much time on physical exercise this summer as I should have - and I cannot really deny the truth of that. There are still a fair number of Year 12 girls who find the day more like hard work than I do, so there may be life in these old legs yet!

The centre where we spend the day is still run by the woman who is not franticllama*, and I can still kick a football into a net reasonably accurately from five yards. These were the main findings of my day.


* OK, so almost all women are not franticllama. But this particular woman is South African, in her 20s, has tattoos, and is clearly a sportswoman of some kind - so when I first encountered her I did wonder whether that was precisely who she was.

 
crissdee
1295341.  Fri Sep 14, 2018 12:00 pm Reply with quote

suze wrote:
This may sound like a horrible thing to say, and I apologize in advance for any offence it may case. But it's fairly common that when one half of an elderly married couple dies, the other isn't far behind. One should never hope for someone to die, but complete the sentence in whatever way seems to you appropriate.


No offence taken I assure you. My brother and I are pretty much thinking the same thing ourselves.

 
swot
1295348.  Fri Sep 14, 2018 12:47 pm Reply with quote

'yorz wrote:
Such white lie might be the kindest thing to do.


They do that with the old ladies who have dementia in the hospital where Mother works. Going along with their story that their mother will be visiting soon, but she's a bit delayed is much better than telling them that they're ancient and their mother died twenty years ago. Plus occasionally, the patient doesn't have dementia, and her extremely elderly mother really is coming to visit, as happened on the ward once.

 
swot
1295349.  Fri Sep 14, 2018 12:51 pm Reply with quote

crissdee wrote:
suze wrote:
This may sound like a horrible thing to say, and I apologize in advance for any offence it may case. But it's fairly common that when one half of an elderly married couple dies, the other isn't far behind. One should never hope for someone to die, but complete the sentence in whatever way seems to you appropriate.


No offence taken I assure you. My brother and I are pretty much thinking the same thing ourselves.


As I mentioned previously, recent death of a spouse is a risk factor for heart attack. There's no guarantee though; Mr Swot's grandmother is still going (although she's increasingly frail) a few years after the death of the grandfather.

 
'yorz
1295350.  Fri Sep 14, 2018 1:09 pm Reply with quote

My father died in 1982, aged 62. My mother is still going strong at 98.

 
Awitt
1295365.  Fri Sep 14, 2018 3:30 pm Reply with quote

suze wrote:
Quote:
This may sound like a horrible thing to say, and I apologize in advance for any offence it may case. But it's fairly common that when one half of an elderly married couple dies, the other isn't far behind. One should never hope for someone to die, but complete the sentence in whatever way seems to you appropriate.


This is exactly what happened to my great aunt. Her husband had died suddenly of a heart attack, 'didn't feel too good' one night while drying the dishes. Was gone like that.

His wife had a series of small strokes over the next couple of years, was never the same again, and died about two years later. They'd had their 60th anniversary not long before.

And the parents of a local friend of mine died three months apart.

 
Efros
1295368.  Fri Sep 14, 2018 4:08 pm Reply with quote

6 weeks between my Mum and Dad. Nov and Dec 2006

 
Big Martin
1295396.  Sat Sep 15, 2018 3:42 am Reply with quote

15 months between my mother and father.

 
RLDavies
1295411.  Sat Sep 15, 2018 8:17 am Reply with quote

Colin's mother died on the first anniversary of her husband's death, to the day. That's not unusual.

It's been found that "palliative lying" is good for dementia patients. Not just to humour them or keep them quiet, it's actually the best treatment. People with dementia will continue to feel an emotion long after the event that caused the emotion is forgotten. If you argue with them, denying what they say, they naturally get hurt and upset, and this emotion will stick for hours. If you agree with what they say, the happiness will stick for hours. It's far more humane to allow the person to feel happy than to torment them in the name of truth.

 
crissdee
1295412.  Sat Sep 15, 2018 8:32 am Reply with quote

Up in the wilds of Suffolk for my brother's wedding, using hotel wifi. Nice weather again, but little hope that this one will last any longer than the previous two! Despite this being the third for both parties, we still have venues and bridesmaids and honeymoon and all the trimmings.

Some people just like being the centre of attention I suppose....

 
Spoilt Victorian
1295416.  Sat Sep 15, 2018 9:02 am Reply with quote

crissdee wrote:
Not nearly as bad as it might have been. Mum had a bit of a turn when the casket came in, and I was glad of the tissues the chapel had provided. I saw my brother reach for his hanky once or twice, but on the whole, a quiet and dignified ceremony, much like the man we were there to commemorate. A pleasant time in a local hostelry after, and my brother's wedding to look forward to on Saturday.

Per ardua ad astra*, as they say

*RAF motto.


There's also nothing wrong with NOT crying at a funeral. No matter what you feel.
Hope you're at peace with yourself bud.

 
Awitt
1295428.  Sat Sep 15, 2018 3:29 pm Reply with quote

crissdee wrote:
Up in the wilds of Suffolk for my brother's wedding, using hotel wifi. Nice weather again, but little hope that this one will last any longer than the previous two! Despite this being the third for both parties, we still have venues and bridesmaids and honeymoon and all the trimmings.

Some people just like being the centre of attention I suppose....


The wedding I attended in mid August was the second one for both the bride and groom and had everything.

 
AlmondFacialBar
1295433.  Sat Sep 15, 2018 4:00 pm Reply with quote

My mum had all the bells and whistles at her first two, both of which were to abusive bastards and had very little to do with love and a whole lot with societal pressure. After those she decided that it was time to sit back and think a bit about what she actually wanted and needed from life. Her third wedding, to a provincial grump severely lacking in the social graces, featured forecourt flowers, a witness in a flowery kitchen apron, the groom in a shoe and a loafer because he hadn't tried the shoes on before buying them and had a corn on one of his pinky toes, a registrar who clearly hated the whole idea of human couplings, hanging curtains in lieu of a reception, accidentally ending up in a brothel during the honeymoon, and no bells and whistles at all. They're going to Cyprus for their golden anniversary this November.

:-)

AlmondFacialBar

 
crissdee
1295440.  Sat Sep 15, 2018 5:54 pm Reply with quote

So the wedding is over, and I'm back in the hotel after a nice long soak in the bath. Would have been longer if the water was hotter, but hey ho. Had to actually stifle laughter during the service, they were carrying on like they were a pair of love-struck teenage newlyweds, not a pair of near 60 year olds embarking on their third marriage.

At the reception, I had the distinct impression that the maid of honour was coming on to me, which would have been nice were she not engaged to the best man, and the daughter of my new sister-in-law! She decided that my beard would be improved by plaiting, a theorem I could not in all conscience agree with based on the first experimental data!

 
AlmondFacialBar
1295443.  Sat Sep 15, 2018 6:01 pm Reply with quote

Methinks we need pictorial evidence for peer review...

:-)

AlmondFacialBar

 

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