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Frederick The Monk
59726.  Tue Mar 14, 2006 10:39 am Reply with quote

Question: What would you do with a splade and a spork?

Forfeits: Welcome them to planet earth.

Answer: Eat. A spork, is a cross between a fork and a spoon. A splade is a cross between a knife, fork and spoon - i.e. a spork with a blade. According to, an inverted spork is a foon.

Supplementary: (hands out plastic sporks) Would you care to have a go at fooning your sporks?

Notes: The term "runcible spoon" was coined by Edward Lear in the poem The Owl and the Pussycat. Modern dictionaries ( generally define a runcible spoon to be a fork with three prongs, such as a pickle fork, which is curved like a spoon, and also has a cutting edge. In other words, a spork

The word spork originated in the early 1900s to describe such devices. According to a December 20, 1952 New York Times article, Hyde W. Ballard of Westtown, Pennsylvania filed an application to register "Spork" as a trademark for a combination spoon and fork made of stainless steel, although there is no longer any record of this application at the United States Patent and Trademark Office. The Van Brode Milling Company subsequently registered SPORK for a combination plastic spoon, fork and knife at the USPTO on October 27, 1970, but abandoned the registration several years later. The word SPORK accompanied by a stylised design is currently registered in the U.S. in relation to hand tools, in the name of a U.K. based individual (reg. no. 2514381).

"A spork is a perfect metaphor for human existance. It tries to function as both spoon and fork, and because of this dual nature, it fails miserably at both. You cannot have soup with a spork, it is far too shallow; you cannot eat meat with a spork, the prongs are too small." , on the metaphorical significance of sporks.

"Sporks, for those of you who have been spared, are the dreaded half-spoon, half-fork utensils handed out by some fast-food places that have tines too short to spear anything but are strategically placed to make sure anything liquid winds up on your necktie, blouse, shirt or navel - depending on your choice of attire."
Jan Glidewell, St. Petersburg Times, July 28, 1996.

"I came here to offer a way to make peace with our Republican friends on this heated school lunch issue. Al Gore and I have discovered a reinventing government way, Mr. Armey, to get around this terrible rhetoric we've been flinging at you on school lunches. We have a way to save money through streamlining that does not require us to deprive our children of food. Instead of cutting food, we're going to cut the cutlery. And here's how—with a spork. Now, you know, I don't know how many of you know this, I've been eating off these things for years. I never knew they were called sporks. But that's what they are. This is the symbol of my administration. This is a cross between a spoon and a fork. No more false choice between the left utensil and the right utensil. This is not an ideological choice. This is a choice in the middle and a choice for the future. This is a big, new idea—the spork."
President Bill Clinton at the March 1995 Radio-TV Correspondents dinner (nb. he's being humourous).

According to the way to turn your spork into a foon is to invert the bowl without breaking it. This is harder than it appears. The process of fooning is as follows:

Place your thumb on the bottom curve of the spork
Gently push in with the thumb until the spork is inverted
If done properly, you may let go and the spork will retain it's foon shape

Links to:


Some nasty plastic sporks as props - available online - so the panel can have a go at fooning.
Could we get the pic above of Bill Clinton waving a spork?


Last edited by Frederick The Monk on Fri Mar 31, 2006 5:42 am; edited 5 times in total

59787.  Tue Mar 14, 2006 11:58 am Reply with quote

The wooden stick used to stir porridge is a spurtle.

59803.  Tue Mar 14, 2006 12:21 pm Reply with quote

Also splades and stroons.

59824.  Tue Mar 14, 2006 2:07 pm Reply with quote

If you buy a tub of ice cream in the theatre during the interval you get a wooden thing which is a fork at one end and a flat spoon at the other. That must have a name, you'd think.

59925.  Wed Mar 15, 2006 5:39 am Reply with quote

What about those little wooden things they keep on the counter in chippies, in case any royalty happen to drop in for a tanner's worth, open, with both and a gherkin? Or Professors of Hygiene on a profs' night out, possibly.

59934.  Wed Mar 15, 2006 6:11 am Reply with quote

When I were a lad doctors used to use wooden tongue depressors. Haven't seen one of those in a while.

59938.  Wed Mar 15, 2006 6:18 am Reply with quote

Flash wrote:
When I were a lad doctors used to use wooden tongue depressors. Haven't seen one of those in a while.

Hold on - isn't the deja vu topic somewhere else?

59940.  Wed Mar 15, 2006 6:31 am Reply with quote

Actually you can still get them. They're normally £1.99 per hundred, but they've got a 3-for-2 at

59941.  Wed Mar 15, 2006 6:33 am Reply with quote

You can also get Snore Calm Chin-Up Strips there:

These self adhesive strips work really well in preventing the mouth falling open. If during sleep you breathe through your mouth, you will probably snore. Chin-Up strips have been designed to help you breathe naturally through your nose. It is a comfortable external support that helps to keep your mouth closed at night. Chin-Up strips will also be beneficial to CPAP users to help prevent mouth leaks, dry mouth and sore throat.

Please, please somebody think of a way we can use these devices.

59942.  Wed Mar 15, 2006 6:39 am Reply with quote

The Travel Pack looks like good value at £2.55:

Holidays can be a particularly stressful time for the whole family especially if they are sharing a room with the snorer. Snore Calm® Travel Pack will ensure the whole family enjoys a restful holiday. Comprising Snore Calm® Chin-Up Strips, self-adhesive nasal dialators and Snore Calm® Foam Ear Plugs this is a handy pack to take with you.

D for dilator? Link to Chris's 4-nostril hypothesis? Think, dammit!

59945.  Wed Mar 15, 2006 6:45 am Reply with quote

Got it!

The loudest snore on record was 93 decibels.

59953.  Wed Mar 15, 2006 7:10 am Reply with quote

If you snored at 160 decibels, would you rupture your own eardrums?

59965.  Wed Mar 15, 2006 7:41 am Reply with quote

Not if you had had the sense to get a set of nostril dilators, that's my point.

We now return this thread to normal programming, the discursion having been moved to the decibels thread in the research forum.

Frederick The Monk
63085.  Fri Mar 31, 2006 11:28 am Reply with quote

Updated 31/03/06

63128.  Fri Mar 31, 2006 12:43 pm Reply with quote

Helen reports that she has a set of stainless steel splorks at home, and that we can use them as she can't remember what she wanted them for herself.


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