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5936.  Fri Feb 13, 2004 7:45 am Reply with quote

Happened on these while looking for something else: extracts from The Rochester Sentinel, 1878.


J.M.Gorsline has sold his farm to Uncle Isaac CANON.
We learn that Wm. CARTER's youngest son is dangerously ill.
Mack GORSLINE has occupied the Frank APT property.
The "grim monster" has been threatening Perry CALVIN.
J.F. NUTT has been on the sick list for a few days.
The telephone mania is bound to become general.
Jesse KALER is going to put up about a thousand tons of ice more or less, as the case may be.

Sam SWARTWOOD is now the hard working editor at the Recorder's office. Sam is not a rapid writer, but he puts in full time.
Jas W. BRAMAN, a young man living near Fulton, in this county, was arrested and taken to Indianapolis on a charge of manufacturing bogus coin. The evidence against him is very strong, and his prospects are very flattering for a term in the penitentiary.

5946.  Fri Feb 13, 2004 10:46 am Reply with quote

An octogenarian prostitute is being urged to retire by police in Taiwan after being arrested with a client. Mrs Chiu, 82, charged £5 a time. “With light make-up she could pass for 70”, said police.


Not a localpaper, admittedly, but I bet it was originally reported in one

5947.  Fri Feb 13, 2004 11:04 am Reply with quote

"She could very well pass for 43 in the dusk with the light behind her"?

5948.  Fri Feb 13, 2004 11:15 am Reply with quote

"Please, let us keep things in perspective," Norberto Manero told reporters as he left Manila's main prison, after serving twelve years for having murdered and eaten the Italian Catholic priest Tullio Favali.

"I have served over half of my original sentence, and been pardoned by President Estrada, so my release is legal. Yes, my brothers, it is true that I ate one priest. Only one! And that was a long time ago.

"I no longer have a taste for men of the cloth. People need not fear me, for I am older now, and wiser, and I eat only cabbage and lentils. During my time in prison, I converted to Islam and became a vegetarian, so it would be strictly against my beliefs to eat anyone at all now.

"I have asked my parole officer to allow me to move to the north, because there are very few priests there. Not that I have a desire for priest flesh, certainly not. But I shall be far from temptation, and can start a new life.

"Once in the north, I plan to open a restaurant with my brothers, when they are released. But I am sworn off meat, so you can have full confidence in the wholesomeness of my cooking." --

s: New Straits Times [Malaysia], 2/2/2000.

5953.  Fri Feb 13, 2004 4:16 pm Reply with quote

Young reporter; 'Madame, a quel age les femmes perdent-elles le desir de l'amour?'
Ninon de l'Enclos; 'Mais, monsieur, comment puis-je le savoir? Je n'ai que quatre-vingt ans.'

The grandes horizontales had 'it' by the bucket.

6048.  Mon Feb 16, 2004 6:15 pm Reply with quote

Local paper names to beat:
1) The Impartial Reporter of Enniskillen....

6050.  Mon Feb 16, 2004 9:17 pm Reply with quote

Mandatory phraseology required by write-ups of local weddings in northeast Arkansas-southeast Missouri:

"The nuptial music was provided by . . . " (usually a cousin of the bride)

Is there not something voluptuous, almost concupiscent, about the word "nuptial"?

6068.  Tue Feb 17, 2004 3:24 pm Reply with quote

The worst word that can be used by American reporters about a bride is 'homely'.

6074.  Tue Feb 17, 2004 6:27 pm Reply with quote

Tabloids in this country have an agreeable set of conventions with which to describe young women, ranging from "stunning" (= ordinary-looking) to "curvacious" (= huge). The broadsheets aren't above this kind of thing, either; their scale runs from "petite" (a dwarf) to "statuesque" (a giant).

"Brunette" means has the same meaning in either dialect ("dull"). Anyone interesting is either "blonde" or "raven-haired".

6090.  Wed Feb 18, 2004 7:05 am Reply with quote

The worst thing about local newspapers is when you read the snippety historical bits of 'News from 50 years ago' - and remember it...

6113.  Wed Feb 18, 2004 9:11 pm Reply with quote

But redheads are the most intriguing of all. I know: I was one. ("Once," sobbed the Mock Turtle, "I was a real turtle.")

I had a great-aunt who used to get great sport out of the weekly Local Doings write-up for a town of some 800, written up when someone ventured more than 10 miles from home: "Lucille Schultz and her niece Elsie Chailland went down to Jonesboro on a shopping expedition last Thursday at Indian Mall, and afterwards dined at Couch's Steak House before returning home." She would read it and ask at large, "Now who gives a hoot about that?" What I can't reproduce with fidelity are the typos, which suggested that certain typewriter keys went on strike in alternate lines.

6131.  Thu Feb 19, 2004 9:45 am Reply with quote

In today's Portland Press Herald - don't move locally if you plan to take up clam-digging when you retire:

Biddeford : Age raised for receiving free clam-digging license

BIDDEFORD — Clam diggers between the ages of 65 and 69 will start paying an annual license fee under new rules adopted by the city.

The rules - approved Tuesday by the City Council - require residential clam diggers between those ages to pay a $10 fee. Non-residents will have to pay $20.

Under the old system, anyone who was 65 or older could receive a free license. Now that's true of clam diggers aged 70 and older.

Another change will allow commercial clam diggers to renew their licenses if they perform 12 hours of conservation work and submit a monthly harvesting log. Under the old rules, Biddeford distributed commercial licenses each year by lottery.

6132.  Thu Feb 19, 2004 9:46 am Reply with quote

A local bank is offering a free Ray Bourque Bobblehead to people who open a checking account. Who he? A local ice-hockey player.

6134.  Thu Feb 19, 2004 9:49 am Reply with quote

In the breast-related frenzy sweeping the US in the wake of Janet Jackson's unfortunate revelation at the Superbowl, a local resident complained at her branch of 'Wild Oats', part of a chain of 'natural' food stores, when there was a picture on the cover of Mothering magazine of a woman breastfeeding displayed on a stand in the store. The store manager removed the copies of the magazine, whereupon the local breastfeeding mothers took offence and held nurse-ins at the store until he restocked it again.

6157.  Thu Feb 19, 2004 9:24 pm Reply with quote

The Comic Muse can't see to type for laughing through her tears.


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