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One Word Story - transcription

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1256644.  Thu Oct 19, 2017 8:22 am Reply with quote

The idea of transcribing the "One Word Story" as continuous text was suggested in the "Chitty Chatty Thread", so as an experiment I've created this post, which I'll attempt to update as often as I can. The transcription starts from post 1234883 for now - if anyone wants to transcribe earlier sections, please feel free!

EDIT: The idea is that I just edit this post for as long as I possibly can - it's not meant to be a "real" thread. Paragraph breaks are inserted randomly at my discretion. I'm gradually going backwards as well as forwards.


Solar energy is described as having advantages over nukes, candles, and coal, as well as grass-scented meadows which waft gently through my nostrils. Dreaming platypuses usually twitch erratically before releasing pheromones en masse leading up the garden path various Lepidoptera and assorted amounts of other arthropods. Afterwards, encouraged to secrete comestibles and then ascend Mount Olympus, Zeus thundered down disguised heavily as a Beefeater wielding several bottles of gin.

Thankfully, ravens swooped gleefully from Russia, bearing gifts gifts, yet believing devoutly, that lemurs ovulate biennially, particularly purient low-carb eggs. Controversially, Mahatma Gandhi, Winston Churchill, and Lou the Eel Vendor encountered stiff cardboard copies that dissolved once inserted into corrosive cherryade, thus propagating rumours about Copernicus's unusual pimple on his bottom. Undoubtedly, Galileo embraced telescopes focussed with scintillating talent, aimed towards securing athletically accomplished petulance and yet somewhat suspiciously enthusiastic reticence.

Lord Snooty polished his immaculate monocle assiduously, glanced upwards, turned downwards, and ejaculated, all over in seconds. But wait, thought Desperate Dan-ish noblemen eating venison enthusiastically, while Norwegians preferred hamsters lightly sautéed in vomit. Swedes, turnips and parsnips abounded in twine next to impossibly intricate patterns.

Coincidentally, bullfrogs emit sputum in purple baggies whilst stroking tadpoles that showed cocker-spaniels how to lick Bayern-Munich at Scrabble. Methuselah's address book revealed amazing facts about Codex, codydramol, maple syrup, and almonds. Nauseatingly, recipes for rat testicles were found festering underneath assorted books, pamphlets, and manifestos. Little wonder that frogs enjoyed pizza sprinkled with aconite, cocaine and grape nuts.

This wasn't my original recipe, but nevertheless, it proved conclusively that lentils and barley cause issues which, embarrassingly, impede on one's ability to maintain a grip on reality. Furthermore, adopting kittens without prior consent usually culminates in charges, pertaining to feline acquisition of purrage. Scott's? Porridge cooked by moonlight engenders gross displays of such erotic and tantalising spectacles, that residents of all denominations rapidly performed unusually complicated routines.

Esuriently, John Cleese feasted a lot on cheese if the cat allowed access ^h^h^h^h^h^h Mastercard to be used on Wednesdays where accepted. Subsequently, Methuselah invited his granny from Sidcup to join the festivities in person, rather than via Twitter or video feed. Predictably, Katie Hopkins searched high, stoned and impressionable, for missing brain cells, marbles and sundry objects.

Stumbling around drunkenly, searching forlornly for spectacles, she emerged from the loo, holding a copy of Private Eye, which proclaimed that Jacob Rees-Mogg was unbelievably sexy when young, but recently lost 200 years. Past the bus stop, along the by-pass, and down the lane beside the pub scampered the puppy, carrying himself awkwardly whilst stopping short of being disabled by severe criticism of epic proportions.

However, nothing came of all the flirtation with Madame Macron, because she absolutely refused to consider anything adulterous at all. Simultaneously watching things that flop unceremoniously, jiggling suggestively, and creating waves across the ocean. Jeeves coughed discretely, and muttered, really sir, whilst adultery compensates a little, planning a social calendar should involve much thought if you intend that ladies should see your best place settings with gleaming cutlery and snowy piles of cocaine and napkins.

"Goodness", exclaimed the Duchess, some royals arrived when invitations were misdirected by staff, who confused aristocracy with large incomes. However, there exists in certain circles a scheme intending to limit indulgence in sundry circles. Dustin Hoffman starred in several movies of questionable taste, before hitting on a plan that ensured casual employment for all.

Nevertheless, everybody wept uncontrollably when confronted by parsnips. They decided not to articulate their angst when offered platefuls of tomatoes, believing them to be large red and slightly hallucinogenic. Afterwards, the White Rabbit found the March Hare by calling Directory Enquiries then dialling everyone from Robert Mugabe to folks with bees. Someone ejaculated, only loudly enough to wake Cthulu from a deep slumber, but something untoward appeared suddenly waving his handkerchief and shouting hooray for Latvia!

Because the Queen when aroused by Corgis, became moist, quivering excitedly, she dropped her handbag, placing the kingdom into jeopardy by bending time sideways, then squashing gravitons remorselessly until satisfied. Subsequently, smoking chocolate prunes, Salvador Dali decided against incorporating colonoscopy into everyone's diet, realising starvation wasn't appropriate.

Instead, Sandi Toksvig appeared, gesticulating widely, stating the obvious about Huddersfield Town FC being unrepentantly gay, thumbing through apps, and generally farting about. This situation grew increasingly fraught, as Darth Vader explained pilates to incredulous onlookers wearing fantastically coloured jockstraps. Gentle music wafted through impeccably dressed salads, echoing James Harkin's thoughts about fish, creating joy by seeing moist sand ebb away from the shore. Mercedes cars came to Auchtermuchty, revving politely yet insistently, causing some BMW owners to indicate, afraid that Old Bill would sting mercilessly when provoked.

Scorpions taste like crunchy semen. Allegedly. That didn't sound very appetising but it did provoke thoughts about digesting other arthropods. Problems arose directly after antipodean citizens declared brashly that their cricket balls should become non-spherical and made to last.

Kirsty Young's mental. However, stuff always emerges about celebrities' beans largely because they ate them from dirty, dirty, disgusting crockery.
Washing Genghis Khan's pants, gasps, and groans affected Mrs Ghengis and her Rottweiler when Persil advertised their new puppy. Generally, Toulouse tried to lose the reputation concerning foul play, dirty tackles and eye-gouging amongst Lepidoptera on Thursdays. Unfortunately, on Fridays in June, people let down the government by whistling Colonel Bogey constantly without stopping. James Harkin accepts full and complete and personal responsibility for ever Milord.

Circumstantial evidence evidence duplicated jinxes or exacerbated and perturbed or yet even though previously without cause, multiple and inexplicable or simply put paranormal or supernatural and not only that, but repetitive strain injuries couldn't be linked to the use of evidence while sensually clipping and clopping wildly, ecstatically seductively fondling with inexpertly fastened extending required but farting upon noticing another paranormal weasel. Jeremy adjourned prematurely expostulating the shit from where within he proceeded determinedly, yet strangely, but infinitely wisely towards that ecstatic QI elf with the large thingy-mincer together with a sombrero. Statistically, it exclaimed more altogether disgustingly, Chebyshev who exemplified the current zeitgeist distribution against restraining forces of Shoestring (Eddie), since 17:00 hrs.

Urgent negotiations between Mr Blobby and Equity continue unabated despite rumours of suspected shenanigans within the BBC. Bobwilson said "Let's get ready to rumble," despite the inevitable outcry from someone foreign. However, once he decided to remove his foot from the neck of the giraffe, it became patently obvious that sufficient care was not taken during its lifetime. Thankfully, Gerry Adams wasn't able to negotiate additional concessions however hard he he he. He he, laughed he.

Once again, quite despite being unusually moist, febrile and impotent, Jeremy Corbyn observed naked running women with enormous smiling puppies. Then they keep smiling in spite of painful concerns their cracked bones which couldn't bear support from meddling with expert meerkats. No wonder that Alexander Armstrong sang terribly loudly with gusto while geese fornicated!

Meanwhile, across the Horn of Africa, herds of exceptional gazelle-like creatures from outer Mongolia galloped among the flowering seasonal cannabis enhanced by solar cells. Bright sunlight wasn't necessary after dark. It could have been better if decided by committees that committed themselves without impunity, although arguments between members retinues resulted in popcorn exploding willy nilly, flooding most of Somalia.

Following expensive repairs the White House collapsed with remarkable alacrity and fake expressions of facts. Trump that man whom the media has unrelentingly shat on deservedly. However since issues arose after lunch with Aristotle, conversation ebbed towards canines and wisdom teeth wobbling precariously.

Stop laughing. But seriously, stop short of definitely completing acts of indiscrete amourousness, licentiousness otherwise James Harkin would viciously disregard any further trespass upon Royal Ascot's renowned turf. Aintree ain't necessarily a tree. But nobody drunk expected anything to reverberate so loudly, despite suggestions that turning back time could bring about significant improvements otherwise ocelots allot could what?

Sadly, nonsense prevails, proliferates and generally predominates. Common sense dictates that such a situation should never ordinarily arise.

1260078.  Tue Nov 07, 2017 7:45 am Reply with quote

If anyone's still following this, I would like to point out that the last two sentences have (ironically) made perfect sense!

1260332.  Wed Nov 08, 2017 6:29 am Reply with quote

Oh well, it was too good to last. "But this never allowed to..."?

I think I might stop the transcription, unless anyone's madly keen on my continuing it.

1260350.  Wed Nov 08, 2017 7:02 am Reply with quote

I've enjoyed this window into the story but feel free to stop :) must be a lot of bother for little gain.


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