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Can you get over being gay?

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filofax
902297.  Tue Apr 17, 2012 6:42 am Reply with quote

Whether or not a stroke or similar event can change your sexuality, I have no idea (*). That it can alter your personality is one of those facts that I find extremely scary.
We think we know who we are, that there is some kind of essence of ourselves which defines us and exists almost independently of our bodies. We can lose an arm or a leg, but we will still be ourselves. The thought that a bump on the head could turn me into basically a different person makes me realise how tenuous our hold is on our basic definition of self. If something so simple and mechanical can extinguish who I am, then who am I really?
The idea freaks me out a bit.




(* I suppose the right kind of stroke could persuade me)

 
Oceans Edge
902307.  Tue Apr 17, 2012 7:06 am Reply with quote

CB27 wrote:
I wonder if it's something to do with how men and women sometimes view sex and relationships in slightly different ways?


I think that's part of it, I think part of it too is the societal view on sexuality. After all - girl on girl action is 'hot' right? But guy on guy ... ewwwww.

The other issue is the one of labeling - we have these rigid labels. Straight gay bi transgendered, polyamorous, monogamous.. and really as was touched on in the thread on Asexuality, human sexuality really isn't all that static.

If we remove the stigma, bias, stereotypes and all the 'rules' regarding the social view point of sexuality anything that happens between consenting adults is just that - consensual pleasure. "The government (nor anyone else for that matter) has no business in the bedrooms of the nation" Societal constructs grow and change - and they're changing now. It's never a comfortable time figuring out what the new constructs are - but I think as a whole, the world will be a better place for it. And the sooner we get there the better. It's figuring out what we want it to look like that's the painful part of the process - how do we encompass everyone, how do we create social contracts and constructs that are all inclusive and how do we sell that to people who are uncomfortable (and angry) with anyone who does things 'differently'.

 
NinOfEden
902465.  Tue Apr 17, 2012 5:28 pm Reply with quote

filofax wrote:
Whether or not a stroke or similar event can change your sexuality, I have no idea (*). That it can alter your personality is one of those facts that I find extremely scary.

Well, most people who've ever changed their sexuality can point to some event that's made them re-think their life plan enough to make them feel attracted to a whole new class of person; people often come to realisations after brushes with death. These things aren't necessarily concious decisions. I'm surprised it doesn't happen more often.

 
Arcane
902480.  Tue Apr 17, 2012 5:54 pm Reply with quote

Is it changing sexuality, or latent sexuality that was always there buy never expressed? Strokes can change emotions and make them more powerful and easily expressed and not necessarily easily controlled on the other hand either.

 
NinOfEden
902566.  Wed Apr 18, 2012 6:50 am Reply with quote

...But is 'sexuality' really sexuality if it's not being recognised as such?

 
Jenny
902635.  Wed Apr 18, 2012 9:13 am Reply with quote

filofax wrote:
The thought that a bump on the head could turn me into basically a different person makes me realise how tenuous our hold is on our basic definition of self. If something so simple and mechanical can extinguish who I am, then who am I really?
The idea freaks me out a bit.


You should do some reading about Buddhism, filofax.

 
'yorz
902644.  Wed Apr 18, 2012 9:24 am Reply with quote

filofax wrote:
If something so simple and mechanical can extinguish who I am, then who am I really?
The idea freaks me out a bit.


I think your essence is not extinguished but another till then buried part of you is brought (freed?) to the surface.

 
filofax
902766.  Thu Apr 19, 2012 3:20 am Reply with quote

Quote:
I think your essence is not extinguished but another till then buried part of you is brought (freed?) to the surface.


But don't you think that's scary, the idea that there could be a whole other person inside you that could become dominant? And then what happens to the person I am today - she goes off and hides? Today I am more or less at peace with the person I am, and I like to pretend that I have, and have had, some control in forming this person. I hate the idea that she could be extinguished and replaced.

 
barbados
902776.  Thu Apr 19, 2012 4:02 am Reply with quote

There are things that you can so deeply repress that they have no way of escaping from the current you.
[I'm going to ramble a bit now so hopefully you can follow]
These feelings that you are hiding are so distant from the current you that you would not recognise them as you, they also don't need to have been repressed over a long time a recent shock will bury things as well as bring them to the fore.
It isn't something that you choose to do by accident, something has to be going on for you to want to find out what is buried, and if it has happened as the result of a shock, then you don't really know that much about the "other you" - you have memories of "what" and "who" but you don't have a recollection of "why" or "how" so it doesn't really freak you out that much.

[/end ramble]

As I said it is a bit of a ramble because it is really hard to explain, but I've gone through a similar process myself, and the things I'm learning about me and how I became me is a very unusual journey. (incase you are interested (not that you have any reason to be) my "issues" are related to a grieving event - losing my father, then having a bit of a meltdown, then having another grieving event - losing my mother) The feelings and emotions you go through trying to explain why x or y does or doesn't happen are a bit of rollercoaster but it is an interesting journey and makes you do rather strange things - readers of my blog will realise what I mean by that!

 
'yorz
902782.  Thu Apr 19, 2012 4:34 am Reply with quote

Would you mind letting me know under which name you blog, barbados?

Your ramblings make a lot of sense to me. I've gone through a similar process (very traumatic bereavement etc). Shocks like that instigate lots of thinking, re-evaluating, etc which tend to lead to changes in your perception of things. It takes a hell of a long time to find your balance again with all these new aspects. I am still evolving. Sometimes it goes smoothly, almost unnoticed, and I only become aware lateron. But sometimes it can also happen in a sudden, jerky, painful way - in my case it's through meeting somebody who forces me to reconsider my values and boundaries. It's a struggle not to lose sight of yourself, but still to recognise that expanding boundaries is sometimes needed to free parts of you that suddenly come to the surface and that you have to acknowledge are part of you as well. It's scary but enriching.

 
Arcane
902789.  Thu Apr 19, 2012 4:45 am Reply with quote

I've heard from other learned people (or maybe not) that your personality is set by the time you are eight years old. If that's the case, why do some people not realise they are gay until much later? I have had this statement spouted at me many times and have wondered at the accuracy of it.

 
barbados
902790.  Thu Apr 19, 2012 4:52 am Reply with quote

I may have over iced a little, the blog was the result of making a very strange decision in the middle of my life changing events. At the time of making the decision I wasn't aware that I was in the middle of this - something I didn't discover until after I lost my mum and realised how I was struggling to come to terms with it.

It's an interesting journey I have committed to - the blog address is www.runforthebun.wordpress.com but as I say it is about the crazy challenge I have set myself rather than the issues that led me along that path but one thing I have learnt is that no two people are the same and the road to contentment is a unique one so you cant really get the answers from someone else - you have to look inwards, talking to someone that is neutral to what is happening is helpful because they wont try to answer your questions - only you can do that. One thing they can do is help you find out the questions that you want the answers to.

Take a look, you wont find the answers - but hopefully you will be entertained.

Back to topic...............

 
Neotenic
902792.  Thu Apr 19, 2012 4:53 am Reply with quote

Quote:
I've heard from other learned people (or maybe not) that your personality is set by the time you are eight years old.


I think it's bollocks. To use a technical term.

If nothing else, I'm fairly sure that the person I was at 16 would gleefully punch the person I am now in the face.

 
'yorz
902796.  Thu Apr 19, 2012 4:56 am Reply with quote

<vainly tries to suppress irrepressible thought> :-p

 
'yorz
902798.  Thu Apr 19, 2012 5:01 am Reply with quote

barbados wrote:
you cant really get the answers from someone else - you have to look inwards, talking to someone that is neutral to what is happening is helpful because they wont try to answer your questions - only you can do that. One thing they can do is help you find out the questions that you want the answers to.

But a chance encounter made me ask questions I'd never would have thought of asking myself. Serendipity? It hasn't made things easier, but certainly very interesting and enlightening.

Thanks for the link. I was aware you had posted it previously, but wouldn't know where to look for it.

 

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