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Die; how I would like to

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Anachronism
43291.  Thu Jan 05, 2006 1:25 pm Reply with quote

I have no idea how I'd like to die, but I know that after I'd like to be made into fireworks.

 
djgordy
43292.  Thu Jan 05, 2006 1:30 pm Reply with quote

Anachronism wrote:
I have no idea how I'd like to die, but I know that after I'd like to be made into fireworks.


Luckily for you I know someone who works in a firework factory. If you would like to post your ashes to me within the next 6 months I will be able to arrange it so that you get exploded on Nov 5th of this year.

 
magic sophie
43348.  Thu Jan 05, 2006 4:04 pm Reply with quote

mckeonj wrote:
which prompts (not begs) the question:
Which is the world's worst airline?


well I know one of the best...Quantas...it is the only major airline never to have had a major crash... which reminds me:

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour.

Here are some logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.


(P = the problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = the solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.


as for the dying question... erm not painfully but with a bang and I'd like Always Look on the Bright Side of Life to be played at my funeral....along with the galaxy song...

 
Flash
43352.  Thu Jan 05, 2006 4:13 pm Reply with quote

Apparently Qantas themselves only claim (when pressed) to have had no jet era fatalities. Pre-jet, they had:

1927 - Mar24 near Tambo in Queensland, a DH-9C with 3 lost
1934 - Nov15 near Longreach, Queensland where 4 were lost
1942 - Feb20 off Brisbane (Belmont??) with a DH-86 where 9 were lost
after control was lost in low cloud
1943 - Apr22 at Port Moresby in a Shorts flying boat, lost control in
an emergency landing - 13 lost
1943 - Nov26 again Port Morseby in a Lodestar, 15 lost
1944 - Oct11 at Rose Bay (SYD) another Shorts. 1 lost, 29 survived.
1951 - Jul16 at Lae, a Drover lost the centre prop and 7 lost.

http://cracker.com.au/viewthread.aspx?threadid=49347&categoryid=11081

 
Flash
43356.  Thu Jan 05, 2006 4:25 pm Reply with quote

Also, Magic, the list's authenticity seems to be questionable:
Quote:
In typical folkloric fashion, this item has appeared with a variety of differing details and content since it started making the rounds of the Internet back in 1997, and some of our readers recall seeing hard copies of it passed from hand to hand in hangars at airports around the country in even earlier than that. Versions use both British and American spellings of 'tire'; attribute the list to maintenance crews servicing the United States Air Force, the Royal Air Force, and the Australian commercial airline Qantas; and encompass some entries while omitting others....

The inclusion of military terminology (e.g., IFF, target radar) pegs this as a list more likely derived from an air force source than a commercial airline, and the mention of propellers eliminates the notion that these items all reference one particular type of modern jet aircraft. It's possible this list is now an amalgam of entries collected from a variety of sources, a mixture of both real and bogus items, or nothing but a bit of creative humor.

http://www.snopes.com/travel/airline/squawk.asp

but what the hey, it was fun.

 
mckeonj
43393.  Thu Jan 05, 2006 6:12 pm Reply with quote

Bringing two threads here together, this ex-aviator remembers hearing 'The song of the dying aviator' sung by ederly drunken RAF men in the early fifties; details here
http://homepage.tinet.ie/~alacrity/aviator.htm
There was also a delightful ditty about paratroopers with the refrain (tune: John Brown's Body): 'Oh, they scraped him off the tarmac like a pound of strawberry jam (repeat twice), and he ain't gonna jump no more.'
At No 1 Parachute Training School, RAF Abingdon; over the door of the parachute packing shed, was a notice which read: "If your parachute fails to open, please return it and we will give you a new one free."

 
bobofel
46817.  Fri Jan 20, 2006 9:22 am Reply with quote

I want to spontaneously implode into an impossibly small volume and create a black hole that destroys the entire world. Whats the point of the world existing if I'm not in it?

We need to think up a preferred death for Alan Davies to say, and a much more interesting one for Stephen Fry if this topic ever goes on air.

And I'm glad that noone has said that they want to live for ever, which would get extremely boring after the first few aeons.

 
Tas
46823.  Fri Jan 20, 2006 9:52 am Reply with quote

Quote:
And I'm glad that noone has said that they want to live for ever, which would get extremely boring after the first few aeons.


LOL....one of my last lessons at school before I left was the mandatory 30 minutes of Religious Education. Seeing as we had covered the worlds major, and a few of the minor, religions in the five years or so previously, we moved onto basic philosophy.

The question was, "Who would want to be immortal?"

Yours truly was the only one who volunteered to give it a go. As far as I know, I am doing a pretty good job, so far!

:-)

Tas

 
bobofel
46833.  Fri Jan 20, 2006 10:39 am Reply with quote

good luck with that.

I'll tell you what, I'll make a bet with you.

I bet you 100 pounds that you can't become immortal ;)

 
Jenny
46928.  Fri Jan 20, 2006 7:01 pm Reply with quote

You could always have a tontine - winner takes all.

Actually, we could drag that into the D questions under 'dividends' I suppose.

Definition of a tontine here:

Quote:
TONTINE

A system of annuities in which the benefits pass to the surviving subscribers until only one is left.

The tontine is named after Lorenzo Tonti, a Neapolitan banker who started such a scheme in France in 1653, though it has been said that they were known in Italy earlier. Each subscriber paid a sum into the fund, and in return received dividends from the capital invested; as each person died his share was divided among all the others until only one was left, reaping all the benefits. In the original scheme, the capital reverted to the state when the last subscriber died, so it was really a kind of national lottery. The idea was taken up enthusiastically in France and later in Britain and the USA; it was used to fund buildings and other public works. (There are still several hotels and other buildings in Britain and the USA with the word in their names.) Later there were private schemes in which the last survivor got the capital as well. Tontines were eventually banned in Britain and the USA, because there was too much incentive for subscribers to bump each other off to increase their share of the fund, or to become the last survivor and so claim the capital. For that reason, its a wonderful plot device for detective story writers, who can use it as a motive for serial murder; it was the theme of The Wrong Box by Robert Louis Stevenson and his stepson Lloyd Osbourne in 1889 (made into a film in 1966). The concept survives in a limited way in France.

World Wide Words is copyright Michael Quinion, 19962006.


http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-ton1.htm

 
bobofel
46991.  Sat Jan 21, 2006 9:05 am Reply with quote

Well, I'm a very calm and healthy 15 year old living in (according to a newspaper I cannot remember, possibly the guardian) one of the healthiest postcode areas in the country (frenchay road oxford, look it up).

so BRING IT ON :)

 
Jenny
46998.  Sat Jan 21, 2006 9:18 am Reply with quote

Well since I'm 40 years older than you, I think I won't take the gamble!

 
mckeonj
47034.  Sat Jan 21, 2006 2:01 pm Reply with quote

bobofel wrote:
Well, I'm a very calm and healthy 15 year old living in (according to a newspaper I cannot remember, possibly the guardian) one of the healthiest postcode areas in the country (frenchay road oxford, look it up).

so BRING IT ON :)

Jack Straws Lane was the healthiest place in Oxford back in the Golden Age (1950s). Is it still there?

 
robotnyk
47051.  Sat Jan 21, 2006 3:01 pm Reply with quote

Jenny wrote:
You could always have a tontine - winner takes all.

Actually, we could drag that into the D questions under 'dividends' I suppose.

Definition of a tontine here:

Quote:
TONTINE

A system of annuities in which the benefits pass to the surviving subscribers until only one is left.

The tontine is named after Lorenzo Tonti, a Neapolitan banker who started such a scheme in France in 1653, though it has been said that they were known in Italy earlier. Each subscriber paid a sum into the fund, and in return received dividends from the capital invested; as each person died his share was divided among all the others until only one was left, reaping all the benefits. In the original scheme, the capital reverted to the state when the last subscriber died, so it was really a kind of national lottery. The idea was taken up enthusiastically in France and later in Britain and the USA; it was used to fund buildings and other public works. (There are still several hotels and other buildings in Britain and the USA with the word in their names.) Later there were private schemes in which the last survivor got the capital as well. Tontines were eventually banned in Britain and the USA, because there was too much incentive for subscribers to bump each other off to increase their share of the fund, or to become the last survivor and so claim the capital. For that reason, its a wonderful plot device for detective story writers, who can use it as a motive for serial murder; it was the theme of The Wrong Box by Robert Louis Stevenson and his stepson Lloyd Osbourne in 1889 (made into a film in 1966). The concept survives in a limited way in France.

World Wide Words is copyright Michael Quinion, 19962006.


http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-ton1.htm


its also the name of a multi-story carpark in st helens, merseyside.
does that tell you something about the cost of parking there?

 
robotnyk
47052.  Sat Jan 21, 2006 3:07 pm Reply with quote

robotnyk wrote:
Jenny wrote:
You could always have a tontine - winner takes all.

Actually, we could drag that into the D questions under 'dividends' I suppose.

Definition of a tontine here:

Quote:
TONTINE

A system of annuities in which the benefits pass to the surviving subscribers until only one is left.

The tontine is named after Lorenzo Tonti, a Neapolitan banker who started such a scheme in France in 1653, though it has been said that they were known in Italy earlier. Each subscriber paid a sum into the fund, and in return received dividends from the capital invested; as each person died his share was divided among all the others until only one was left, reaping all the benefits. In the original scheme, the capital reverted to the state when the last subscriber died, so it was really a kind of national lottery. The idea was taken up enthusiastically in France and later in Britain and the USA; it was used to fund buildings and other public works. (There are still several hotels and other buildings in Britain and the USA with the word in their names.) Later there were private schemes in which the last survivor got the capital as well. Tontines were eventually banned in Britain and the USA, because there was too much incentive for subscribers to bump each other off to increase their share of the fund, or to become the last survivor and so claim the capital. For that reason, its a wonderful plot device for detective story writers, who can use it as a motive for serial murder; it was the theme of The Wrong Box by Robert Louis Stevenson and his stepson Lloyd Osbourne in 1889 (made into a film in 1966). The concept survives in a limited way in France.

World Wide Words is copyright Michael Quinion, 19962006.


http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-ton1.htm


its also the name of a multi-story carpark in st helens, merseyside.
does that tell you something about the cost of parking there?


As in "its a mad mad mad mad mad mad world"...or "kind hearts and coronets"... theres another at the ned of which the man leaving the "inheritance " announces hes flat broke, and that all the stunts hes got them to do (go to prison, get married, etcetcetc( has been all for nothing.

id love the idea of sending some membersof my family around the world, on a wild goose chase...

 

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