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QI Quotations

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Ian Dunn
1130811.  Fri Apr 24, 2015 11:39 am Reply with quote

"TV satire clearly doesn't change anything. If it did they would ban it."

BRUCE DESSAU, comedy critic


1200046.  Wed Jul 27, 2016 6:07 pm Reply with quote

"Having Mercury in Capricorn blesses you with the ability to sound like you know what you are talking about, even when you are spouting rubbish."

Jonathan Cainer, late peruser of planetary alignments.

1201131.  Sun Aug 07, 2016 5:41 pm Reply with quote

From an anonymous Aussie at The Somme, describing the field of battle;

"Mile after mile of sh*t-coloured f*ck-all."

Spud McLaren
1201625.  Sun Aug 14, 2016 5:26 am Reply with quote

An oyster takes an irritation and makes of it a pearl. How many pearls could we make in a week?

Alice Steadman

1201899.  Wed Aug 17, 2016 1:41 pm Reply with quote

Extract from the diary of Lieutenant Colonel Mervin Willett Gonin DSO [re Bergen-Belsen]

"I can give no adequate description of the Horror Camp in which my men and myself were to spend the next month of our lives. It was just a barren wilderness, as bare as a chicken run. Corpses lay everywhere, some in huge piles, sometimes they lay singly or in pairs where they had fallen.
It took a little time to get used to seeing men women and children collapse as you walked by them and to restrain oneself from going to their assistance. One had to get used early to the idea that the individual just did not count. One knew that five hundred a day were dying and that five hundred a day were going on dying for weeks before anything we could do would have the slightest effect. It was, however, not easy to watch a child choking to death from diphtheria when you knew a tracheotomy and nursing could save it, one saw women drowning in their own vomit because they were too weak to turn over, and men eating worms as they clutched a half loaf of bread purely because they had had to eat worms to live and now could scarcely tell the difference.
Piles of corpses, naked and obscene, with a woman too weak to stand propping herself against them as she cooked the food we had given her over an open fire; men and women crouching down just anywhere in the open relieving themselves of the dysentery which was scouring their bowels, a woman standing stark naked washing herself with some issue soap in water from a tank in which the remains of a child floated.
It was shortly after the British Red Cross arrived, though it may have no connection, that a very large quantity of lipstick arrived. This was not at all what we men wanted, we were screaming for hundreds and thousands of other things and I don't know who asked for lipstick. I wish so much that I could discover who did it, it was the action of genius, sheer unadulterated brilliance. I believe nothing did more for those internees than the lipstick. Women lay in bed with no sheets and no nightie but with scarlet red lips, you saw them wandering about with nothing but a blanket over their shoulders, but with scarlet red lips. I saw a woman dead on the post mortem table and clutched in her hand was a piece of lipstick. At last someone had done something to make them individuals again, they were someone, no longer merely the number tattooed on the arm. At last they could take an interest in their appearance. That lipstick started to give them back their humanity."

1281670.  Thu Apr 19, 2018 7:10 am Reply with quote

The Universe newspaper October 1:

'A group of students playing hide and seek in the Harris Fine Arts Center at 11 p.m. caused a faculty member to call the University Police. The police arrived but were unable to find any of the students.'

1281682.  Thu Apr 19, 2018 10:39 am Reply with quote

Perhaps they are still there.
Or dead?

1281688.  Thu Apr 19, 2018 11:30 am Reply with quote

tetsabb wrote:
Perhaps they are still there.
Or dead?

That is quite an intense game of hide and seek.

Knowing uni students they probably gave up at the first stomach grumble and went to maccy d's. Or maybe that would just be me...

1281715.  Thu Apr 19, 2018 12:55 pm Reply with quote

Pah, students today. In my day we'd have gone to the pub.

1281937.  Sat Apr 21, 2018 12:08 pm Reply with quote

A system cannot fail those it was never meant to protect.

W E B Du Bois

1286544.  Mon Jun 11, 2018 9:16 am Reply with quote

"For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love."

Carl Sagan

i found this a nice illustration of how human shared relationships and the time we spend together means we are often not too worried about human's purpose or reason for being. Instead we accept it, enjoy it and just be.

1286553.  Mon Jun 11, 2018 10:51 am Reply with quote

Oh that's a really lovely quote - thank you for sharing that, and welcome to the forums 3MilnerC.

1286656.  Tue Jun 12, 2018 9:30 am Reply with quote

Thanks Jenny!

1340007.  Thu Jan 02, 2020 8:25 am Reply with quote

Forever - is composed of Nows.

Emily Dickinson

1340011.  Thu Jan 02, 2020 9:02 am Reply with quote

"Three is always bigger than two, even for very large values of two."

[sarcastic comment inscribed on my homework by my maths teacher in an outrageous attempt to justify withholding the obviously richly deserved A]



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