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The Most Fantastic Liar in the World

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dr bartolo
813666.  Thu May 05, 2011 10:00 am Reply with quote

Oh, and whilst staying at her house, I wrote the lyrics to dr. bartolo's aria in the barber of seville, "a un dottor della mia sorte". don't belive anyone who tells you otherwise.

 
Tas2
813796.  Thu May 05, 2011 5:37 pm Reply with quote

As I actually invented the word 'belive' for those who refused to believe...

 
cherrycoke
814109.  Sat May 07, 2011 2:37 am Reply with quote

Of course, i refused to allow it to be included in dictionaries as none of the main publishers were willing to pay me the requested royalties of 13 guineas and prima nochta rights to their village.

 
dr bartolo
814110.  Sat May 07, 2011 2:40 am Reply with quote

So I set up project Gutenburg......

 
cherrycoke
814135.  Sat May 07, 2011 4:44 am Reply with quote

Which I named after actor Steve Guttenberg, whom i cast in my incredibly successful Police Academy film series.

 
zomgmouse
814149.  Sat May 07, 2011 6:11 am Reply with quote

Although, at that time I had a case of dyslexia, which I willed myself into having just to prove a point.

 
cherrycoke
814164.  Sat May 07, 2011 7:23 am Reply with quote

just like the time i cured my peanut allergy through shear force of will.

 
zomgmouse
814165.  Sat May 07, 2011 7:50 am Reply with quote

I, of course, had created the peanut by fusing a pea and a nut with my immensely powerful gaze.

 
dr bartolo
814173.  Sat May 07, 2011 9:21 am Reply with quote

and the guinea by mixing a guinea (coin) with a pig

 
bemahan
814174.  Sat May 07, 2011 9:24 am Reply with quote

But my most beautiful creation was when I crossed a pack of Anchor (or was it Lurpak?) with a bluebottle.

 
dr bartolo
814204.  Sat May 07, 2011 11:12 am Reply with quote

that said, I invented Gin Rummy by blending Gin and Rum.
Also, I invented picket, which was a game which involved a deck of 32 cards and a riot, which strangeley seems to have seperated into it's constituent parts......

 
cherrycoke
814335.  Sun May 08, 2011 3:54 am Reply with quote

Of course, I'm banned by global law from ever playing cards again after i broke the banks at Monte Carlo, Las Vegas, Atlantic City and wiped out both fruit machines in the saloon bar of the dog and duck in wickesfield.

 
dr bartolo
814493.  Sun May 08, 2011 12:26 pm Reply with quote

speaking of which, I created the black country from 100 pounds of coal and some kermes.....

 
PDR
814502.  Sun May 08, 2011 12:55 pm Reply with quote

Well the real truth is (whited out for the unbelievers):

YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH



So I'm not telling...


...and then I created the inner torus of the 9th pillar of scientology, who are charged with the sacrewd duty of protecting it.

PDR

 
dr bartolo
814507.  Sun May 08, 2011 1:02 pm Reply with quote

Incidentally, I wrote 500 copies of the Bible within a day and a night, and typeset the Oddesey within an hour and a half......

 

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