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The Most Fantastic Liar in the World

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814613.  Mon May 09, 2011 1:24 am Reply with quote

...using only one hand, for obvious reasons.

814619.  Mon May 09, 2011 3:07 am Reply with quote

Because my other hand was creating the numerous cocktails that you see in clubs, pubs and bars around the world.

814622.  Mon May 09, 2011 3:28 am Reply with quote

including, of course, the sourtoe cocktail, made with the toe of a bulky aussie bloke, which i bit off during a huge bar fight which lasted 7 hours and was reported on 3 different news channels, and which was the inspiration for Star Wars.

dr bartolo
815046.  Tue May 10, 2011 8:53 am Reply with quote

speaking of which, did you know that I invented capital letters?

1105756.  Mon Dec 15, 2014 2:30 pm Reply with quote

I invented them for the sole purpose of letting people online know that I'm VERY ANGRY, although they have caught on for many diverse purposes.

1105770.  Mon Dec 15, 2014 4:02 pm Reply with quote

i always write in uppercase, but it's confusing as i always put my cases the wrong way round when i set up my rival printing press in gothenburg.

1108214.  Tue Dec 30, 2014 4:35 pm Reply with quote

Of course, I could only manage the printing in my spare time. I was quite busy setting up the fencing school in Heidleburg.

1108294.  Wed Dec 31, 2014 8:03 am Reply with quote

My pupils included Queen Victoria, Mother Theresa, and Katie Price.

1108383.  Wed Dec 31, 2014 4:09 pm Reply with quote

Who are of course all related by marriage.

1108385.  Wed Dec 31, 2014 4:22 pm Reply with quote

I've cleaned the toilets of all the above-mentioned.

1108940.  Sun Jan 04, 2015 11:13 am Reply with quote

Of course, Prince Albert never went to the toilet, ever.

1119905.  Sun Feb 22, 2015 8:53 am Reply with quote

He also stole the idea of the tallywag embellishment from me, however he had to shrink it down to almost an eighth its size to fit his meager member. I let him have it, let him name it after himself as well.

1119961.  Sun Feb 22, 2015 2:23 pm Reply with quote

I also invented hats, all of them, the entire concept of wearing head clothes was my idea.

1120005.  Mon Feb 23, 2015 12:59 am Reply with quote

In fact, it shouldn't be called a hat at all. You would be wearing a Markus or carrying a box of Markii. Common usage has led to people forgetting the real name and the person who invented said head covering.

1120029.  Mon Feb 23, 2015 4:48 am Reply with quote

Incidentally, did you know that Michelangelo never wore hats because they couldn't accommodate the support straps for his false ears, which were made from mongoose hide.


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