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Theoretical Pet Cookery (Poems)

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96aelw
95452.  Fri Sep 22, 2006 10:08 am Reply with quote

Ross once cooked an albatross
For his good friend Albert. Ross
Cooked it very rare to savour
All that bloody sea bird flavour.

(Apologies to M. Python).

 
96aelw
95453.  Fri Sep 22, 2006 10:08 am Reply with quote

Last night I cooked a puffin
But I buggered up the stuffin'.

 
96aelw
95456.  Fri Sep 22, 2006 10:11 am Reply with quote

P-picked up a penguin,
Drove home in the car,
Decided to make
A real penguin bar.

First two home made biscuits
Appeared on the scene,
Then chocolate on top,
And the bird in between.

But some literalist biscuits
Are foul, unlike that;
There's my infamous Robo-Puss
Flavoured Kit Kat.

 
cabs
95457.  Fri Sep 22, 2006 10:11 am Reply with quote

96aelw wrote:
Last night I cooked a puffin
But I buggered up the stuffin'.

I mixed a bit of chuff in,
So I had a chocolate muffin.

 
djgordy
95473.  Fri Sep 22, 2006 10:29 am Reply with quote

cabs wrote:

I mixed a bit of chuff in,
So I had a chocolate muffin.


Chuff? Isn't that the cold part of a penguin?

 
Jenny
95474.  Fri Sep 22, 2006 10:29 am Reply with quote

Glad to see the standard is being kept up on this thread!

 
cabs
95487.  Fri Sep 22, 2006 10:37 am Reply with quote

djgordy wrote:
cabs wrote:

I mixed a bit of chuff in,
So I had a chocolate muffin.


Chuff? Isn't that the cold part of a penguin?


Had a fewer rebuffs from penguins you've chatted up in the past, have you?

(predicated on the second of three definitions of "chuff" in Roger's Profanisaurus)

 
96aelw
95612.  Sat Sep 23, 2006 3:58 am Reply with quote

"Would vole blood and papaya be a rather too abstruse juice?"
I wondered, as I sat and ate another bowl of moose mousse.

 
Mr Grue
103988.  Tue Oct 17, 2006 2:21 pm Reply with quote

The other day, upon the stair,
I ate a mouse who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today.
I ate him too; I just don't care.

 
ali
122740.  Fri Dec 01, 2006 11:24 pm Reply with quote

I may,one day be interested to try
Perhaps in flancase, pyrex dish or tin
The baking of a cat or hamster pie

And if my kitchen skills go not awry
A soup of cockatoo or goldfish fin
I may,one day be interested to try

Though pastrymaking ofttimes makes me sigh
I'll smile inanely on succeeding in
The baking of a cat or hamster pie

With wine, not sweet,of course, but dry
A parakeet, or maybe greyhound thin
I may,one day be interested to try

I'll not be tempted to parboil or yet stirfry
My aim is (veering off would be a sin)
The baking of a cat or hamster pie

This feast would surely make the gourmets cry
"A Michelin star for ali!" and I'd grin
I may,one day be interested to try
The baking of a cat or hamster pie.

 
Davel
122755.  Sat Dec 02, 2006 5:17 am Reply with quote

Go for the cat,
The main ingredient is ready at hand,
He stalks me daily, old evil slit eyes,
Id love to see him in one of your pies

 
ali
122849.  Sat Dec 02, 2006 9:57 am Reply with quote

Little white mice
Cooked in spiced wine-
So nice, so fine.

 
dotcom
122930.  Sat Dec 02, 2006 2:41 pm Reply with quote

It would be interesting to write a pet cookery villanelle, wouldn't it?
Don't think I've spelt that correctly, but never mind.
Prizes for the best one.

 
ali
123013.  Sat Dec 02, 2006 5:35 pm Reply with quote

That's how I would spell it.

 
strukkanurv
123042.  Sat Dec 02, 2006 6:44 pm Reply with quote

It was my sister's birthday
I baked a cake with Byrds
I wrote her name in icing
With some other lovely words

She blew out all the candles
The air it filled with smoke
When it cleared she saw my message
But she didn't get the joke

Next thing I'm in hospital
The family 'round my bed
Everyone was laughing
At the cake upon my head

 

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