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Thread to share absurd spam

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602360.  Sat Aug 22, 2009 10:01 am Reply with quote

cherrycoke wrote:
Just received this.


Subject: orange‏

Sent: 22 August 2009 11:03:16

Her fragile picture frowns underneath the mankind.

Wow. Just wow.

It ... does... what now?

602525.  Sun Aug 23, 2009 1:35 am Reply with quote

Obviously it's in the same league as the friendly milk.

603292.  Mon Aug 24, 2009 6:32 pm Reply with quote

This is making me cross ...

Hello Dear Friend,

I am glad to inform you that I have successfully concluded the
transaction, the money has been transferred to London through the
assistant of Mr.Howard Ferraro who is a London base business man.
Currently I am in London with him and my wife and children. However, I
did not forget you because you are the source of my success,you made
me what I am now though you are not there to complete this project
with me but I gave all the credit and thanks to you. I know it is not
your fault or rather your wish to back off on me and the transaction,
I understand it was simply because of some circumstances you could not

In appreciating your assistance, I have compensated you with a sum of
$450,000.00 which I have written in certified bank cheque in your
favour. I left the cheque with my secretary Collins Davies on my
departure to London. I would like you to contact him with the below
info and instruct him where to send the cheque to because i have
directed him on that already.

Name: Collins Davies
Emaill : OR

As soon as you recieve the cheque you let me know because i am busy
here trying to put things together and may not be chanced to email you
frequently.Feel free to contact him for your cheque.I will stop here.
Once again,thank you very much.

Cross Weaver

604191.  Thu Aug 27, 2009 7:09 am Reply with quote


I just got this from yougofurther (a branch of UCAS):

Well done %%FIRST_NAME%%, you did it. Now meet your new coursemates‏

I'm touched.

605231.  Sat Aug 29, 2009 11:33 am Reply with quote

I've been divinely interrupted to share this largess. I hope nothing in the transmission desires to insult your prejudices. Please to contact my good friend Mr. P. duFranse, using his private e-mail so as not to alert the bank, to endeavour to share in this largess.

Subject: FUND ALERT:: Notice of Unclaimed Balance
Date: August 29, 2009 11:40:04 AM EDT

BNP Paribas Private Bank
Hong Kong Branch
Do accept my sincere apologies if my mail does not meet your personal ethics and may offend your personality for contacting you without prior consent. I introduce myself as Mr. Pascal DuFranse a senior staff in the accounts management Section of BNP Paribas Private Bank here in Hong Kong. I got your Contact while going through an e-mail database affiliated with Career Builder.

After series of fasting and prayers, I was divinely directed to contact you among other names found in the database and I believe that GOD has a way of helping who is in need. In my department (Accounts Management Section-Private Bank) I discovered an account which has been declared "Dormant" and funds ($ 6,000,000.00 USD) lying in the account labeled "Unclaimed Balance" because there has been no activity in the account other than the deposit of the funds.

The account belongs to one of our foreign customer who died with his victims of AF4590 in 31st July 2000 plane crash. Since we got the information about his death, we have been expecting his next of kin to come over and claim his money because we cannot release it, unless some body applies for it as next of kin or relation to the deceased as indicated in our banking guidelines and laws, we have tried to locate his relatives by placing advertisements in newspapers with his name and address but unfortunately, we learnt that he never had any known relation.

It is therefore upon this discovery that I now decided to make this business proposal to you and release the money to you as the next of kin & relation to the deceased person for safety and subsequent disbursement since nobody is coming for it and I don't want this money to go into the bank treasury as Unclaimed Bill. The banking law and guidelines here stipulates that if such money remained unclaimed after Ten years, the money will be transferred into the bank treasury as unclaimed fund and will be used to buy arms and ammunition.

I have agree that 50% of this money will be for you as a respect to the provision of an account to transfer the funds to and 50% would be for me. Thereafter, I will visit with you for disbursement according to the percentage indicated.

Therefore, to enable the immediate transfer of this fund to you, you must apply first to the bank as relation or next of kin of the deceased indicating the following below:

Full Names: ______________________________ Address: ______________________________ City: ______________________________ State: ______________________________ Zip Code: ______________________________ Home Phone: ______________________________ Cell Phone: ______________________________ Email: ______________________________

Upon receipt of your reply showing your willingness to help, I will appoint an Attorney who will handle all the processes of obtaining the necessary documents for approvals on your behalf. All these processes will be accomplished within 10 working days and money will be transferred to any nominated account immediately. The very good thing about this transaction is that it will be done in a very proper and legal manner without any potential risks so don't entertain any atom of fear, as all required arrangements will be made on your behalf. Kindly email me at my personal email address below so as to avoid monitoring from the BANK:

Trusting to hear from you immediately.

BNP Paribas Private Bank

Correspondence address:
20-22/F & Room 2301
PCCW Tower, Taikoo Place
979 King's Road,
Quarry Bay
Hong Kong

Contact points:
Mr. Pascal DuFranse

605234.  Sat Aug 29, 2009 11:38 am Reply with quote

And now has come to my attention this excellent opportunity from a man of the church, who should be trusted in these regards.

Date: August 27, 2009 9:02:19 PM EDT
To: undisclosed-recipients:;

26, V-Island Road,
Ikeja Avenue,

Dear Friend,

I am Rev.David Johnson from Canada, I have been an international contractor that
collects contract from Big Companies and countries, I got involved in one
contract in Nigeria which my payment was refused, I was down and almost lose

After 2 years of this contract, I later talked to God to assist me in getting
this money. I made a vow to benefit someone with the sum of Nine hundred
thousand United State Dollars (USD $900,000) draft payment if my payment could
be approved and to my surprise I was called upon by the Nigeria Government
sometimes last month that my contract file have been looked into and it is ready
for payment.I never believed it until I was advised by my Pastor and later moved
down to Nigeria and to my unbelievable surprise I was paid this money.

Due to my pledge to God I have agreed to show the person that i will be sending
the Nine hundred thousand United State Dollars (USD $900,000) through ballot
system on the internet which happened to be your email so you are lucky. What
you have to do now is to get in touch with my secretary Mr. Robert Dennis and
instruct him on how to send your USD $900,000 Bank draft to you.


Mr. Robert Dennis
Phone Number:+234-808-846-8570
E-mail address:

Send to my secretary your contact address and telephone number,let him make
arrangement for the shipment of your draft to your doorstep and also you can
give him a call to confirm your address.What I want you to believe now is that
this is the opportunity which God have promised you this year so it is better
you have it in time before it goes again from you so contact my secretary in
time.And for your information presently i am in the United Kingdom for another
contract so i want you to go into prayer with me for the success of this

With Best Regards,
Rev.David Johnson.

605249.  Sat Aug 29, 2009 12:03 pm Reply with quote

It's not fair - I never get good spam like that.

605390.  Sun Aug 30, 2009 1:58 am Reply with quote

I never know of the body of my spam because I don't actually click on it. G-mail has a very good spam filter, and so I only have the opportunity to laugh at ridiculous subject lines (and occasionally names of senders).

607140.  Wed Sep 02, 2009 1:49 pm Reply with quote

How's about some good old-fashioned hand delivered Nigerian spam?

We've had a booklet shoved through our door from a Nigerian 'church' that appears to specialise in getting desperate people married.

Happily (I guess), the flyer is reprduced in full on their website,

They seem to have dressed up a plain and simple singles night with the garb of both a get-rich-quick seminar and an outreach mission-style church, which is quite impressive.

The whole thing gives the English language a proper mauling, but I think they've won some sort of bear-shit-in-woods prize for this sentence;

Knowledge is the only solution to lack of knowledge.

The whole thing is faintly concerning.

607307.  Wed Sep 02, 2009 7:58 pm Reply with quote


607317.  Wed Sep 02, 2009 8:30 pm Reply with quote

I love it!

607319.  Wed Sep 02, 2009 8:33 pm Reply with quote

Its like pissing through a letter-box and then knocking and asking how far it went up the hallway!

607327.  Wed Sep 02, 2009 9:04 pm Reply with quote

SomethingAwful managed to extract some money from a spammer - shouldn't we have a thread somewhere to see who can get the most out of a spammer in real money?

615673.  Sun Sep 20, 2009 9:54 am Reply with quote

I don't get any spam for ages, then I get this...

subject: Dear Beloved in Christ/Can I Trust You?

from: Mother Partzento Savimbi (

Dear Beloved in Christ,

It is by the grace of God that I received Christ, having known the truth, I had no choice than to do what is lawful and righting the sight of God for eternal life and in the sight of man for witness of God & his mercies and glory upon my life.

I am Mrs. .Partzento Savimbi, the wife of Mr. Harry Savimbi, my husband worked with the Chevron/Texaco in Kenya for twenty years before he died in the year 2001.We were married for ten years without a child. My Husband died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days. Before his death we were both born again Christians.

Since his death I decided not to re-marry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against. When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of US$9.5M. (Nine Million Five Hundred Thousand .Dollars) with a Bank in Europe. Presently, this money is still with the Bank and the management just wrote me as the beneficiary to come forward to sign for the release of this money or rather issue a letter of authorization to somebody to receive it on my behalf if I can not come over. Presently, Iím in a hospital in Holland where I have been undergoing treatment for esophageal cancer.

I have since lost my ability to talk and my doctors have told me that I have only a few weeks to live. It is my last wish to see this money distributed to charity organizations anywhere in the World. Because relatives and friends have plundered so much of my wealth since my illness, cannot live with the agony of entrusting this huge responsibility to any of them. Please, I beg you in the name of God to help me Stand and collect the Funds from the Bank.
I want a person that is God fearing that will use this money to fund churches, orphanages and widows propagating the word of God and to ensure that the house of God is maintained. The Bible made us to understand that blessed is the hand that giveth. I took this decision because I don't have any child that will inherit this money and my husband's relatives are not Christians and I don't want my husband's hard earned money to be misused by unbelievers. I don't want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly manner.

Hence the reason for taking this bold decisionís is not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus {14 VS14} says that the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace. I don't need any telephone communication in this regard because of my soundless voice and presence of my husband's relatives around me always. I don't want them to know about this development. With God all things are possible.

As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the Bank for you to contact the bank for the release of said fund into your bank account.

Youíre Sister in Christ,
Mrs.Partzento Savimbi

616935.  Wed Sep 23, 2009 11:51 pm Reply with quote

I've just received a piece of spam... as a text message on my phone.

You have been awarded the sum of £750,000.00 pounds.
PAYMENT No: 61/WG6834.
For claim email: & call +447045783764.

Not only have I never had a Motorola telephone, I do not live in a country operating in pounds (or for that matter pound pounds).
What's more, after having searched on the Internet for that e-mail, it turns out many people have received this spam, with the same payment/claim numbers.


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