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238503.  Mon Dec 03, 2007 4:42 am Reply with quote

Michael Carney from Teeside was up in court on charges of flashing last week. His defense: he was too embarassed about his tiny penis to want to show it to anyone.

238519.  Mon Dec 03, 2007 5:25 am Reply with quote

Did he get a long stretch?

238536.  Mon Dec 03, 2007 5:58 am Reply with quote

I know Flash will veto all this, but further to the above:

Where would you find the world's biggest flasher?

Squids are the biggest flashers in the world, well, one of them is. Taningia danae is the largest creature to use bioluminescence. It is an agressive predator which uses the light to disorientate potential victims. It is thought that the 7 foot long cephalopod may also use the light in courtship rituals.

238539.  Mon Dec 03, 2007 6:03 am Reply with quote

Another answer to the "biggest flasher" is the lightning show in Venezuela at the mouth of the Catatumba River. It lightens for about 110 days per year, for 10 hours per night, and has been doing since at least the 17th century.

I guess the Northern lights would fit here as well. I liked the fact on the outer boards that they can be seen from the UK in the correct conditions - I never knew that.

238581.  Mon Dec 03, 2007 7:36 am Reply with quote

No, I quite like all that. The Green Flash as well (with a link to Footwear, for the older members).

238595.  Mon Dec 03, 2007 8:06 am Reply with quote

Ok, then.

Here's what I wrote for the QI Telegraph column; it was never used.

The Met Office locates lightning strikes by tracking the radio waves that are emitted by each flash; these waves propagate in all directions like ripples from a stone dropped in a pond; like fingerprints, almost every wave has a shape unique to that flash. For some reason, Manchester and its environs seem to be the British lightning capital; in the 90s, the Stockport area averaged 17.5 days of lightning per year, but the best place in the world to see lightning is Venezuela. There, at the mouth of the Catatumbo river, you can see lightning arcing from cloud to cloud, for around 140 nights of the year – for 10 hours a night, and for up to 280 times an hour. The phenomenon, known as the Maracaibo Lighthouse (after the lake into which the river drains) has been happening since at least the 16th century, and while there is no consensus as to its cause, it is probably down to cold winds descending from the freezing Andean highlands meeting hot, humid air evaporating from the lake. But it’s not just the beauty of this phenomenon that is important; lightning produces ozone which helps to plug the hole in the ozone layer; the Maracaibo Lighthouse is thought to be the single greatest generator of ozone in the world.

238681.  Mon Dec 03, 2007 9:53 am Reply with quote

Waste not, want not. The Telegraph's loss is our gain.

299820.  Fri Mar 21, 2008 6:20 am Reply with quote

The 2000 edition of Wisden contained - as usual - a team photo of Leicestershire CCC. Not quite as usual, though, one of the players was flashing.

Matthew Brimson, a somewhat obscure bowler, then aged 29, lost his county contract the following season. He is now - and let this be a warning to all - head of geography at a private school in Devon. If you look up “fate worse than death” in the dictionary, that is the actual definition they give, word for word.

Wisden was officially annoyed; this was an “insult to supporters,” said the editor (whose proofreaders had obviously missed the insult). But he added: “"I think if you are going to pull this kind of stunt, you need to be a more competent professional sportsman than Matthew Brimson - and, frankly, more impressively arrayed. Even when we increased the size of the picture, after being tipped off, we couldn't be certain that we had seen what we thought we had seen.”

The club’s statement was a classic of meaningless corporate speak: "We have had a meeting with Matthew Brimson and we have accepted his explanation that it is simply not in his character to do anything that would cause offence.” (But he did it, didn't he?) "Matthew Brimson wishes to apologise to anyone who may have misinterpreted the published photograph." (Misinterpreted his bollocks? How do you misinterpret a geographer’s bollocks?)

Puns abounded (and still do). Wisden magazine refers to “the frustrated spinner who had had a small part - 33 wickets at 27 - in Leicestershire's 1998 Championship victory.”

S: The Wisden Cricketer magazine, January 08.

299830.  Fri Mar 21, 2008 6:50 am Reply with quote

I'm always struck by the apparently primeval instinct which invariably emerges in reporting on these stories, which is to mock the size of the organs in question. There's some very basic instinct at work there.

299833.  Fri Mar 21, 2008 6:59 am Reply with quote

True; and there’s also the implication that the foolishness of the act would be mitigated if the flasher had something worth showing, which would be difficult to make a rational case for.

299836.  Fri Mar 21, 2008 7:06 am Reply with quote

I don’t know that this fits anywhere, but I note that the same Wisden magazine article which mentions the flasher also mentions the memoirs of Yorkshire player Richard Blakey, whose publishers wanted to call it “Caught Behind”. The author, however, insisted on “Taking It From Behind,” because “I hoped it would be a little more attractive to women.”

The magazine describes it as the most misleading title since the story of Rolls-Royce - “Two Men Came Together.”

299845.  Fri Mar 21, 2008 7:50 am Reply with quote

It really exists:

299846.  Fri Mar 21, 2008 7:55 am Reply with quote

“Foreword by Darren Gough” - I can’t quite say why that makes me laugh so much, but it just does!

302020.  Tue Mar 25, 2008 5:26 am Reply with quote

I quite enjoyed the subtitle:

"Taking it from behind: From Boycott to Blewett"


893948.  Thu Mar 15, 2012 7:10 am Reply with quote

For the full Flasher/Fletcher linkup, check this similar story to Brimson's from the Telegraph in 2001:


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